This, my love is for you

Maddening compulsion runs through me like electricity, I sweat at the thought of it. Just one taste, just one swallow till it all goes away, just like everyday. One hit closer to my grave, one step away from this dreary existence. This battle that rages inside my brain, a disease, a discrepancy, a divine presence, all driving me to you. To use you, as you abuse me. Uncloud my thoughts, give me direction, just one taste, just one gulp until I go away, take me today. One hit closer till my day in the grave, one step nearer to my final descent. Your grip on my soul is frightening, I am a slave to my own calculations, no redemption, just give in, and let go. This is my love, my love for you.