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Prayer (Free verse) by amanda_dcosta I wait on the Lord,
morning and night would I call on Him,
I search,I seek
answers to my questionsâ¦
And then
like the rush of the stormy winds
He quenches,
fills the void of empty soul:
torrents of love and grace.
He spoke in the stillness of my heart.
Up the ladder:
The Fragile silhouette of me
Down the ladder:
Bodies Bore Like I Do Too
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.75
Posted: September 15, 2006 7:26 PM PDT; Last modified: December 7, 2006 5:32 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.089402 Overall Rank: 6316 Comments:
[10]
ALChemy @ 71.75.188.163
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15-Sep-06/7:34 PM
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Reply
Beautiful
[n/a]
amanda_dcosta @ 202.164.139.228
> ALChemy
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15-Sep-06/7:37 PM
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Reply
Geeee!!! Thanks.
I dont particularly like God poems. But this one is good. It reads better if you get rid of "would I call on him" and "quenching" and "torrents of love and grace" IMHO
Thank you, half.italian.
Quenching and torrents of love and grace have been there on purpose. Quenching is to indicate that my soul was thirsting for His presence and I was filled..., and torrents of love and grace are to indicate that I was filled with his presence of love and grace... as simple as that.
I waited on the Lord,
called on Him morning and night. Then, like the rush of stormy wind, He spoke with void-filling torrent, breaking the stillness of my heart. Sorry
D. I see here that you have changed the entire context of the subject. I didn't just wait on Him... I searched for him, I sought. Impact.
And again.. He quenched my questions of insecurities, doubts, fears, what ever I had been asking of him through His infilling of grace and love. As you state in your last line... breaking the stillness of my heart, He did not break the stillness of my heart... He merely honored me with His presence when I waited on Him in silence and patience and meekness. He made my spirit stand in awe of Him.
Much more interesting and lyrical, especially the last line. Nice rewrite.
what did He say? what did He say? as the introduction to a series i could see this poem working, but i don't think it stands on its own.
He said all I needed to know by just His presence of love.
Hilarious. I laughed till I urinated.
I'm glad there was some effect.
Do not mock worship, you boor.
Dear Sweet Edna, "Hilarious. I laughed till I urinated." Does that mean you pissed yourself laughing at the poem or you laughed at the poem till you had to go take a piss? Big difference. Not entirely sure what you mean. Bullshit. I know exactly what you mean. You're being a funny bastard. Aren't you?
Hey Amanda, sorry I've not yet replied to your email. I will though, bear with me!
This seems very much like a short psalm; lyrical and dramatic. I'd split line 2 into two (finish on 'night'), and finish line 3 on something other than '-ing' (give it a word with a strong ending). Still nice, needs music methinks :-)
I'm tempted to suggest adding rhymes to this - it needs to move a little more easily.
This is a nice post Amanda. What appeals to me most is the way you break your lines--something I have trouble with--keep up the good work.
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