Poemranker [Poem: Doubtcohol] [by drnick] Fri May 03 12:00:15 PDT 2024

Sweetly I tear into The threshold of me and you. Quietly calling out For strength on a trail of doubt. But poison lips love to Blast words upon and through. Humid with spoken word My cold silence stay unperturbed. The fault fiercely cracked in two The Icon I thought was you. Blatantly broken you lay In my house and wish it all away. I loved what I saw of you A love for a cheap costume.

[9] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 27-Sep-06/3:15 PM | Reply

Damned good, I didn't recognise the rhyme scheme until the second read. Last couplet is a killer; having just walked back through town in the rain I had to laugh at what people were wearing, or I would if I hadn't walked to a club, found a queue longer than a very long piece of string and strolled back again.

I meant to leave a message on your blogspace quite recently, actually, but when I got to it I just couldn't think what to write. Are you back at uni, or was last year your finals? If so, what did you finish with?

[n/a] drnick @ 24.176.22.254 > Ranger | 28-Sep-06/4:34 PM | Reply

The capitalization is supposed to help, or you could listen to the song "jambi" by tool because I took the rythem from the verse. My parents are just coming back from england, they went to visit my grandparents in ferndown. I never left school, I've been taking classes non-fucking-stop, but ill be done this spring so i suppose i have that to look forward to.

[7] Dovina @ 12.72.43.168 | 27-Sep-06/9:10 PM | Reply

If you take the "c" from the title, it will sound more like "alcohol." Capitals at line beginnings are not consistent.

"stays unperturbed"

It's a good poem in need of help.

[n/a] drnick @ 24.176.22.254 > Dovina | 28-Sep-06/4:35 PM | Reply

The captials are for the rythem.

[n/a] drnick @ 24.176.22.254 > Dovina | 28-Sep-06/4:36 PM | Reply

p.s. That's because I'm a good person in need of help.

[7] Dovina @ 12.72.42.198 > drnick | 28-Sep-06/4:41 PM | Reply

Thereon are built the greatest lives.