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I hate making titles (Free verse) by drnick Shadows fall
like darkness crawls.
These trees, it seems,
are growing tall.
If fire finds
these timbered lines
who will defend
these massive halls?
Not God, not man
will be at hand
to answer the
crackling calls.
Up the ladder:
Senseless Murder
Down the ladder:
light [edited]
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.8
Posted: July 13, 2006 12:39 PM PDT; Last modified: July 13, 2006 12:39 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2145653 Overall Rank: 4418 Comments:
[9]
Ranger @ 86.140.71.123
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13-Jul-06/2:09 PM
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Reply
Love it. Only crit is that the penultimate line seems a little short - I'd change it to "to answer all the/crackling calls". Other than that, super.
[n/a]
drnick @ 69.215.254.240
> Ranger
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14-Jul-06/11:57 AM
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Reply
thanks, dude.
This is a good description. If it was a metaphor for something it would be amazing but it seems to not be attached to any thing specific except a row of trees. Maybe a title like "State Park" or something would help give it more of a setting.
Ya, it would have been better had I done that. This was just something I whipped together in class, and I liked how simple and short it was. I do need a title(sigh).
A nice scene, the trees.. the shadows...
It's cool how you emphasize on a few things and make a poem out of it. It would be better with a title though.
Spank you very mooch.
:-)
Was this suppose to be about lightning? Because that is the picture that formed in my mind while reading this. Sounds like the way lightning does around ehre in real bad storms. If so, then this is a good write. But I do agree with Ranger as for the last two lines;
To answer all, The crackling calls.
Sorry for the typo, it was to say here, not ehre.
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