Re: Blackout, Amman, November, 2005 by zodiac	18-Nov-05/10:08 AM
First: Does that ability to echoe word sounds, not rhyme but echoe certain qualities in words together come naturally or is it more of a hair pulling event. Because this one comes out so damn natural. Second: Love how you snuck "bore" in. Third: I bet you're leaning towards the bug being Jesus. I was. Forth: There's a current political spin to this one, intended or not. I could spend all day peeling back layers of this poem. A sign of a great artwork. You really shouldn't give some of these away for free.
Re: Ballad for a bad Irish accent by zodiac	18-Nov-05/10:35 AM
You probably won't see this but this is like a blend of two of my favorite poets. E.A. Poe and Benny Hill. Kilkenny? Southpark? The poem's a classic or should be.
Re: dit da haiku by nentwined	18-Nov-05/11:19 AM
I'd like to know what you honestly think of your poem.
Re: leah by T. Jonathron Remp	20-Nov-05/5:45 AM
Do not the burning embers dwindle in the light of their own lives? (and yet) the oldest flames may still rekindle. This is how love survives. Line 1 and 8 contradict each other. Say "I shall be" and then "shall I be" out loud 3 times each. I bet "shall I be" is a little easier to say, huh? It also bounces off the following "for she" better. Use words we don't hear all the time like "hearth".(bonus points if you can think of a word (not name) that rhymes with "hearth".) When writing about someone you love say something obscure or secretive like "I still taste the mandarins of our youth"
Re: Amber's Witness by cyan9	20-Nov-05/6:38 AM
Reminds me of back home in PA. This is good solid descriptive poetry. I like the juxtaposition of the metalic terms with the forest setting. I wish there were a few more of them to maintain that contrast and add even more depth. I see some tendencies in your work to focus on evoking the emotion through elaborate description, which is great, don't get me wrong but I'm left wondering what other styles you might have in your arsonal. Poems can also make us think and/or rethink ideas of something and poems can also tell you a good story. I mean if this is your thing and you'd rather focus on it, well that's fine. I just think your capabilities are much wider than this. I also am guessing alot of these poems were written timewise in close proximity to one another because many of the descriptions and metaphors you use recur in your other poems. That happens to me whenever I write alot of poems in a short timespan.
Re: Prejudice and Racism by TLRufener	20-Nov-05/7:20 AM
If there was a black kid on the island maybe Piggy would have stood a chance.
Re: The Fall of Marvin Hyde by cyan9	21-Nov-05/12:08 AM
This may be assuming too much and it's certainly none of my business but have you kicked the habit? I'm guessing yes. There's just as good a chance this is completely fictional and based on nothing in your life but heroin's a fucked up drug don't you think?
Re: Taste Ghazni by eliastemplar	21-Nov-05/6:13 AM
Who would have guessed such colorful rugs and shawls could have come from such a dull looking place.
Re: Due Consideration by Dovina	21-Nov-05/6:37 AM
Burp -by ALChemy Belching out my songs of love and philosophy I hold my breath to kill the beast I feed upon It's meat is rough but not enough to discourage me And now I've said it all and now I've done it all and now I've had it all I ate it up all gone One wonders how many millions read the biting comments listed under many of the poems posted here and think "Nope, no frickin way I putting my stuff up there to get lambasted like that." Maybe they should read this poem first for confidence.
Re: Night song of Pattaya by Caducus	21-Nov-05/8:24 AM
I keep getting torn between the image of veiled sculptures and young hookers and "grey as kerbs" has got me totally stumped. Am I even close?
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Nov-05/4:29 PM
Nothing like a little quicky now and then to keep you goin'. Thanks -9-
Re: The Rise of Dr Herbert Cyan by cyan9	21-Nov-05/5:04 PM
Good, you decided to continue the story. I know you hate movie comparisons but often when I read your work I think "Requiem for a Dream". To me that's a good thing. I expect this series to be quite a wild ride.
Re: One Second by TLRufener	22-Nov-05/6:14 AM
Sounds like Eminem for some reason. Maybe I read it too fast.
Re: A Modern Woman by Dovina	24-Nov-05/6:01 AM
How is that modern. My grandmother could do all those things and probably did and her lifestyle was never more modern than what you might see on The Waltons. Unfortunately you can't meet her because she died in the late 80s. Maybe change modern to free and you might have more of a statement. The first stanza has nice rhythm.
Re: The Dreamhole by cyan9	25-Nov-05/4:19 AM
It does sound like a lyric, doesn't it. Pretty catchy one too.
Re: Colorbars by wilco	25-Nov-05/10:21 AM
Cool. Like a screen play for Sin City. Cyan9. I'm surprised you didn't point this out.
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Nov-05/8:17 PM
"Was I just another bulimia?" -Yuck- The rest is OK.
Re: listen by elderking	26-Nov-05/12:30 AM
Good.
Re: The Conqueror Worm by zodiac	26-Nov-05/2:37 AM
Thought you might like this. http://www.poemhunter.com/p/m/poem.asp?poem=93543
Re: The Mask by TLRufener	26-Nov-05/11:12 AM
Did you notice every line in your poem is written as a seperate sentence. Caps at the beginning. MS Word? You need to get personal. Say things that are unique to your situation or perspective. We have no idea who the hell you're talking to. A lover? A friend? A man? A woman? Michael Jackson? Who? Don't try to write a poem for everyone. If you do it will always turn out the same way. Hokey.