DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

leah

Member since 2004 · Posted 19 Nov 2005 · 15 comments

never weary again i shall be for she is the fire under my feet and for her i dance the daily dance and run among the others to clear a path for us so that one day, when her fire glows low and my feet grow tiresome we might sit, together and enjoy the hot coals that will endure us beyond our final breath

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mean 2.00 weighted 4.64 rank 12353 views 334 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

15 comments

[6] cyan9 20-Nov-05/2:26 AM Reply

I am slightly confused here as to whether this is about retiring with someone or fire walking, or doing fire walking for someone... I cant believe somebody rated this a zero though. More clarity would have scored ayou a higher vote from me.

[n/a] ALChemy 20-Nov-05/5:45 AM Reply

Do not the burning embers dwindle
in the light of their own lives?
(and yet)
the oldest flames may still rekindle.
This is how love survives.

Line 1 and 8 contradict each other.
Say "I shall be" and then "shall I be" out loud 3 times each. I bet "shall I be" is a little easier to say, huh? It also bounces off the following "for she" better.
Use words we don't hear all the time like "hearth".(bonus points if you can think of a word (not name) that rhymes with "hearth".)

When writing about someone you love say something obscure or secretive like "I still taste the mandarins of our youth"

[n/a] T. Jonathron Remp › ALChemy 20-Nov-05/11:00 AM Reply

lol you're right. that's what i get for writing it in 2 minutes with no edit

[n/a] ALChemy › T. Jonathron Remp 20-Nov-05/1:14 PM Reply

She only got two minutes out of you?! How familiar that must be for her.

[n/a] ALChemy › ALChemy 21-Nov-05/11:51 AM Reply

Thanks. Judging by the timestamps it took you 20 hours a 22 minutes to generate your backhanded complement. Based on your logic this would mean you don't have a job and you suffer from carpal tunnel syndrome, probably due to over masturbation. I do masturbate occasionally but never once have I cried. If you're crying then you've probably worn the skin off but that'll happen after 20 hours and 22 minutes.

[n/a] ALChemy › ALChemy 21-Nov-05/12:23 PM Reply

Nice bait & switch. Really.

[n/a] T. Jonathron Remp › ALChemy 21-Nov-05/8:12 PM Reply

Cranberry Manishevitz: never scared of ALChemy again shall i be, for you are the undulating shag carpet beneath my bottom, and for you i scoot, the triennial scoot, and slide among the others, to make the shag carpet all go in one direction just in this one part of the room for me and you, so that one year, when your shag grows dull, and my bottom becomes chapped and fearful once again of ALChemy (notwithstanding my previous commitment), we might plop, together, and run our hands atop the carpet to produce gustatory synaesthetia, that will entertain us beyond our final transduction

[n/a] ALChemy › T. Jonathron Remp 22-Nov-05/5:54 AM Reply

Sarcasm is one of the simplest forms of comedy and is most often used by clueless highschool kids who lack the imagination or skill to say anything wittier than the exact opposite of what they are thinking. With that said I'll make my leave and allow you two lovebirds go back to your makeout session.

TJR, if your poetry were as well thought out as this comment of yours than you would never hear a negetive word from me. Really.

[n/a] ALChemy › T. Jonathron Remp 22-Nov-05/6:00 AM Reply

Just kiddin' TJR.

[n/a] Crann Mascher › ALChemy 29-Nov-05/1:29 PM Reply

Heavens. I just checked this out for the first time since I made a mean statement. The tone really took a turn for the worse. I've been called gay multiple times, but never by someone with such bad spelling. And that's really saying something. Best of luck.

[n/a] ALChemy › Crann Mascher 29-Nov-05/4:27 PM Reply

I guess I could criticize your fragmented sentences too but that would just be anal. Then again maybe anal is your thing.

Why don't you delete your comment again and spend another week thinking up some smart ass thing to say.

[n/a] T. Jonathron Remp › ALChemy 29-Nov-05/10:35 PM Reply

I'm trying to figure out what sort of neurological damage results in such acute comma neglect. I haven't seen such precise coup-countercoup sheering since my maid hit her head on the sunroom entryway filigree and lost the ability to make puns involving kitchen utensils.

[n/a] ALChemy › T. Jonathron Remp 30-Nov-05/7:12 AM Reply

Now see, if you could do this in your poems then people might actually like you.

[n/a] ALChemy › ALChemy 30-Nov-05/7:29 AM Reply

I mean your poems. I'm sure your a very nice boy.

[n/a] T. Jonathron Remp › ALChemy 21-Nov-05/8:28 PM Reply

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