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leah (Free verse) by T. Jonathron Remp never weary again i shall be
for she is the fire under my feet
and for her i dance
the daily dance
and run among the others
to clear a path for us
so that one day, when her fire glows low
and my feet grow tiresome
we might sit, together
and enjoy the hot coals
that will endure us beyond our final breath
Up the ladder:
untitled Rubiyat 1
Down the ladder:
To Show is Three
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 2.0
Posted: November 19, 2005 12:18 AM PST; Last modified: November 19, 2005 12:19 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.642391 Overall Rank: 12375 Comments:
[6]
cyan9 @ 84.12.150.59
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20-Nov-05/2:26 AM
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Reply
I am slightly confused here as to whether this is about retiring with someone or fire walking, or doing fire walking for someone... I cant believe somebody rated this a zero though. More clarity would have scored ayou a higher vote from me.
Do not the burning embers dwindle
in the light of their own lives? (and yet) the oldest flames may still rekindle. This is how love survives. Line 1 and 8 contradict each other. Say "I shall be" and then "shall I be" out loud 3 times each. I bet "shall I be" is a little easier to say, huh? It also bounces off the following "for she" better. Use words we don't hear all the time like "hearth".(bonus points if you can think of a word (not name) that rhymes with "hearth".) When writing about someone you love say something obscure or secretive like "I still taste the mandarins of our youth"
lol you're right. that's what i get for writing it in 2 minutes with no edit
She only got two minutes out of you?! How familiar that must be for her.
Thanks. Judging by the timestamps it took you 20 hours a 22 minutes to generate your backhanded complement. Based on your logic this would mean you don't have a job and you suffer from carpal tunnel syndrome, probably due to over masturbation. I do masturbate occasionally but never once have I cried. If you're crying then you've probably worn the skin off but that'll happen after 20 hours and 22 minutes.
Nice bait & switch. Really.
Cranberry Manishevitz: never scared of ALChemy again shall i be, for you are the undulating shag carpet beneath my bottom, and for you i scoot, the triennial scoot, and slide among the others, to make the shag carpet all go in one direction just in this one part of the room for me and you, so that one year, when your shag grows dull, and my bottom becomes chapped and fearful once again of ALChemy (notwithstanding my previous commitment), we might plop, together, and run our hands atop the carpet to produce gustatory synaesthetia, that will entertain us beyond our final transduction
Sarcasm is one of the simplest forms of comedy and is most often used by clueless highschool kids who lack the imagination or skill to say anything wittier than the exact opposite of what they are thinking. With that said I'll make my leave and allow you two lovebirds go back to your makeout session.
TJR, if your poetry were as well thought out as this comment of yours than you would never hear a negetive word from me. Really.
Just kiddin' TJR.
Heavens. I just checked this out for the first time since I made a mean statement. The tone really took a turn for the worse. I've been called gay multiple times, but never by someone with such bad spelling. And that's really saying something. Best of luck.
I guess I could criticize your fragmented sentences too but that would just be anal. Then again maybe anal is your thing.
Why don't you delete your comment again and spend another week thinking up some smart ass thing to say.
I'm trying to figure out what sort of neurological damage results in such acute comma neglect. I haven't seen such precise coup-countercoup sheering since my maid hit her head on the sunroom entryway filigree and lost the ability to make puns involving kitchen utensils.
Now see, if you could do this in your poems then people might actually like you.
I mean your poems. I'm sure your a very nice boy.
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