Re: Low by wilco	27-Nov-05/11:41 AM
Send this to Garth Brooks, he'll make you rich.
Re: Indian Song by ALChemy	27-Nov-05/5:49 PM
This one's very experimental. Here's your hint, the first line is "Wildman".
Re: A Modern Woman by Dovina	27-Nov-05/6:49 PM
http://www.gnosis.org/library/marygosp.htm My Christmas gift to you Dovina.
Re: Silent Night by Dovina	28-Nov-05/9:11 PM
Your honor, St. Peter. I bring you exhibit A: Silent Night by Dovina. The prosecution now rests it's case. "Wholly night" as in completely night is a weak line. Even Dan Brown would be walking on eggshells around this one. Your showing some guts and that gets you a "You go girl" from me.
Re: Picking Up Sins by BrandonW	28-Nov-05/9:43 PM
The poems fine but unless you're gay avoid refering to your dick as your cock in poetry. It makes you sound gay.
Re: Games by BrandonW	28-Nov-05/9:48 PM
Wrote this in MS Word huh?
Re: Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone	29-Nov-05/4:32 AM
I bearded his black Jesus with rope wrapped tight round his plastic throat. I hung him from a branch, did a little tribal dance and fed his pecker to a porcelain goat.
Re: it's damp after closing by hendrimike	30-Nov-05/7:44 AM
It seems like every stanza is missing a line.
Re: Focus by MacFrantic	30-Nov-05/7:50 AM
The only thing I would change is that I would space the lines and the words even farther apart.
Re: The copper man and Labrador by Caducus	30-Nov-05/8:23 AM
A bum dies (head tilted) in either a refrgerator or cardboard box filled with polystyrene packing. I thought it was in the alley next to a Versace store seeing that the odds of so many people walking past a dead bum while wearing Versace are quite slim odds. The copper is pennies. The Lab goes blue(sad). Neon reepers(ambulance). Muzzling(sirens) his grief. Medal from King George(quarter). The pauper box is planed.(His casket's ready) Lets just bury him he's shrapnel for our conscience and I'm late for my meeting.(Forget about him. It'll only bring us down. I've got better things to do. How'd I do?
Re: Virtue and Sin by dooley	1-Dec-05/10:51 AM
Simple yet very effective. I want to hear more about the racoon and snake. Here's what I've learned. It's as simple, sad and cliche as the old opposites attract adage. We're hypocrites because we complain about it and without realizing it we go and do the same thing. They're really not all that different from us on the inside. Unless you're talking about the vagina. -9-
Re: Chills by BrandonW	1-Dec-05/11:23 AM
And you bought it around the corner from a pusher named Jesus. The religion/drug addiction metaphor is a bit cliche but you got some really nice lines in there. Mind if I snort a couple? -8-
Re: Thunder by dooley	1-Dec-05/11:33 AM
I read the comment so I didn't need to read the poem. I'm so sleepy. Sorry. Here>-10-
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Dec-05/5:39 PM
He sounds pretty gay. Does he use the word cock alot in normal conversation? -8-
Re: Shamefaced by Doug	2-Dec-05/4:54 AM
Offbeat but also off beat. Some apostrophe problems. Edit and make some cuts. 7
Re: For my unborn by Caducus	2-Dec-05/2:53 PM
seems to personal to tarnish with criticism or vote.
Re: I'm walking thorough void by Prince of Void	3-Dec-05/6:17 AM
There seem to be voids in your sentences. I'll assume this is intentional. Good Idea if so but you could have used it more interestingly if you did it in a traumatic story like: I was on a whitewater rapids trip with my-void-bango played-void-unzipped his fly-void-"Say it pig"-void-"WEEEE! WEEEE!
Re: The Long-Tailed Bird by Zoe	3-Dec-05/6:43 AM
I think you need to use some conjunctions and articles. Right now the condensed sentences sound too modern for a story that seems like an old folktale. Impressive nonetheless. -9-
Re: One by rahson_s	3-Dec-05/6:59 AM
Either "momentarily," or ", momentary". The only way I can think of to make racism disappear is for every guy to start impegnating only girls of a different race. In a thousand years or so it'll be too hard to tell the difference between us. I've only passed through The Bronx on the way to Kennedy and from what little of it I saw it was filthy.
Re: Another Chapter by TLRufener	3-Dec-05/7:54 AM
"No more, love more hand to hold"? Check this out: An empty page but to afraid to look Wanting to see an unfinished book Unwritten words between you and me Undone deeds scared to be seen Another chapter, more hand to hold No more, love forever untold Secrets unspoken to fill up my head One more thought when they need to be said Another chapter to keep on the light No more reasons, I will never write With one last chance for us to try You turn from me and say goodbye. Like refrigerator poem magnets. Think of things about you and your lover that are unique. Like "No more Vodka semen shots."