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I'm walking thorough void (Other) by Prince of Void I'm walking thorough void
My steps are soundless
What's left behind?
It's turning into way its pace less
In final thoughts I became breathless
In this eternity destiny is worthless
In this moment everything is nameless
Death has no dominion
What you have learnt
It's useless in the depth of staring void
Darkness I'm in is fearless
Because it fills this empty universe
My voice is voiceless
Due to words became meaningless
Slowly I'm getting faceless
Because my identity has been questionable
When I've seen things unspeakable
My existence
My sin {love}
My sense
They're endlessly traceless
And my quest for the placeless god
It's incomplete in the pathless heart
Up the ladder:
Rustic Rainstorm
Down the ladder:
"Burn"
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.25
Posted: December 1, 2005 2:28 AM PST; Last modified: December 1, 2005 2:30 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.029801 Overall Rank: 7328 Comments:
ummm...okay, first, you need to move on from the whole "void" angle. It's wearing thin. Also, try some different styles and variations. Either get some prozac or some liquor (but just enough). Most of the good stuff is about pain and depression, but you need to work on saying it in a new way and making it interesting. Also work on your grammar and adjectives. Often, your lines make little sense because you're trying to put too much into them.
There seem to be voids in your sentences. I'll assume this is intentional. Good Idea if so but you could have used it more interestingly if you did it in a traumatic story like: I was on a whitewater rapids trip with my-void-bango played-void-unzipped his fly-void-"Say it pig"-void-"WEEEE! WEEEE!
That's the best poemranker post I've seen in weeks.
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As a poem, not as good as your best, "The regrets made me voids"