| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
The Dreamhole (Free verse) by cyan9 Did you ever swallow,
Looking too perfect
When twins swiped in
And held my soul.
Did you ever reap it
Running the circuit
When twins swiped in,
No I don't think so.
Did you ever well I never
Get yourself together.
Did you ever well I never
Think it would last forever.
Did you ever hurt it
Make yourself too perfect
When angels dropped in
And cleared my soul.
Did you ever love it
Alone in this bull ring
When angels dropped in,
Waiting for their hellos.
<old one from 2001>
Up the ladder:
Authentication
Down the ladder:
Spontaneous Combustion
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.25
Posted: November 25, 2005 1:10 AM PST; Last modified: November 25, 2005 1:10 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.029801 Overall Rank: 7292 Comments:
[8]
zodiac @ 81.10.122.113
|
25-Nov-05/1:22 AM
|
Reply
This would be good by Keane doing British pop doing Radiohead.
It does sound like a lyric, doesn't it. Pretty catchy one too.
Its from I time when I had just discovered the use of embedded rhyming schemes in order to propell listeners through the poem. It is something made more for other people to hear, rather than for me to read. My criticism of it is that it uses too many rhyming words, and could do better with a bit of assonance, it is also quite difficult to understand what it is about.
Yeah, I tend to be my harshest critic too. Sometimes people like a good jingle.
The third stanza really sounds familiar,(Some song, maybe a PJ Harvey one or something) I wish I could remember it. 219 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
