Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

The Dreamhole (Free verse) by cyan9
Did you ever swallow, Looking too perfect When twins swiped in And held my soul. Did you ever reap it Running the circuit When twins swiped in, No I don't think so. Did you ever well I never Get yourself together. Did you ever well I never Think it would last forever. Did you ever hurt it Make yourself too perfect When angels dropped in And cleared my soul. Did you ever love it Alone in this bull ring When angels dropped in, Waiting for their hellos. <old one from 2001>

Up the ladder: cacoon
Down the ladder: He Will Be Loved

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 5.25
Weighted score: 5.029801
Overall Rank: 7300
Posted: November 25, 2005 1:10 AM PST; Last modified: November 25, 2005 1:10 AM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[8] zodiac @ 81.10.122.113 | 25-Nov-05/1:22 AM | Reply
This would be good by Keane doing British pop doing Radiohead.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 | 25-Nov-05/4:19 AM | Reply
It does sound like a lyric, doesn't it. Pretty catchy one too.
[n/a] cyan9 @ 217.40.63.105 > ALChemy | 25-Nov-05/7:08 AM | Reply
Its from I time when I had just discovered the use of embedded rhyming schemes in order to propell listeners through the poem. It is something made more for other people to hear, rather than for me to read. My criticism of it is that it uses too many rhyming words, and could do better with a bit of assonance, it is also quite difficult to understand what it is about.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > cyan9 | 25-Nov-05/10:07 AM | Reply
Yeah, I tend to be my harshest critic too. Sometimes people like a good jingle.
The third stanza really sounds familiar,(Some song, maybe a PJ Harvey one or something) I wish I could remember it.
219 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001