DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Picking Up Sins

Member since 2002 · Posted 28 Nov 2005 · 12 comments

He doesn't have a name yet, or a face that can be brought to life. But he has already rooted a stronghold in the soil of your mind. Intertwined in my sheets you nourish the existence of this phantasm. I envy him, 'cause he will pick up sins right where I left them. You will pin his pictures over empty corkboard spaces. His body will warm the side of the bed that I now occupy. He doesn't have a name yet, or a cock as big as mine. But I'm sure his exaggerated image will keep you moist. It's only the thought that he exists that keeps him alive.

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12 comments

[9] ALChemy 28-Nov-05/9:43 PM Reply

The poems fine but unless you're gay avoid refering to your dick as your cock in poetry. It makes you sound gay.

[8] zodiac › ALChemy 29-Nov-05/2:33 AM Reply

Out of curiosity, what term do you use most often in normal conversation? In writing?

[9] ALChemy › zodiac 29-Nov-05/5:35 AM Reply

For my Penis? Normal conversation: probably "dick".
In writing: All the above but straight men will say and do the gayest things in the process of getting laid like dancing. If he was having sex in the poem and said cock that would be fine but he's just using the word like it's what he always calls it. Like "my cock itches". "I've got to go drain my cock" The more often you use it in common remarks the gayer it becomes.
Either it's that or the constant references made to "Him" in the poem followed by the use of the term "Cock" made it sound gay.
Ah hell! I don't know. It was a first impression anyway.

[8] zodiac › ALChemy 30-Nov-05/12:44 AM Reply

http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=94210

[9] ALChemy › zodiac 30-Nov-05/6:52 AM Reply

See there truly is something flamboyantly offensive about the word.

[n/a] BrandonW › ALChemy 30-Nov-05/2:35 PM Reply

I like the fact that he not unly used cock, but that he referred to it as his "ready cock"... now theres a difference! It was ready for something!

[8] zodiac › ALChemy 1-Dec-05/8:39 AM Reply

Flamboyantly is the only dignified way of referring to one's penis.

[n/a] BrandonW › ALChemy 29-Nov-05/7:00 AM Reply

Gay is fine, I was shooting for more along the lines of "insecure redneck". Ya know, the kind who'd have a swinging contest with some faceless/nameless person. The kind who has to justify anything by his "cock size". The kind who worries another face is responsible for the warmth between her legs. But like I said, gay is fine. <winks>

[9] ALChemy › BrandonW 29-Nov-05/12:34 PM Reply

Knock it off kid, you're creeping me out.

Here -9-

Now stop winking.

[n/a] BrandonW › ALChemy 29-Nov-05/1:41 PM Reply

I'm done with the flirting for now.. But it got me a 9! I see how this place works! Thanks..

[9] ALChemy › BrandonW 29-Nov-05/3:46 PM Reply

Whore.

[n/a] BrandonW › ALChemy 29-Nov-05/6:01 PM Reply