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Silent Night (Free verse) by Dovina
Silent night Wholly night Little calm Little right Neither virgin Mother nor child Wholly fragile Vibrant and wild Sleep in his heavenly peace Sleep 'round his heavenly piece

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Weighted score: 4.8211956
Overall Rank: 10813
Posted: November 28, 2005 11:16 AM PST; Last modified: November 28, 2005 11:16 AM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 | 28-Nov-05/9:11 PM | Reply
Your honor, St. Peter. I bring you exhibit A: Silent Night by Dovina. The prosecution now rests it's case.

"Wholly night" as in completely night is a weak line.
Even Dan Brown would be walking on eggshells around this one. Your showing some guts and that gets you a "You go girl" from me.
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.82 > ALChemy | 29-Nov-05/9:45 AM | Reply
“Wholly night” is parallel to “Holy night” in the carol. Maybe you know that and think “completely” is better. Maybe so.

I don’t think St. Peter will be impressed with the prosecution’s argument. We are made that way by his Master, and he’d have to explain why this case is sin.

Your “eggshells” comment appears based on the idea that I took a sacred carol and made it vulgar. But think about the words of that song and tell me if you think they should be sacred.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 29-Nov-05/12:50 PM | Reply
No "completely" sounds just as lame and irrelevant as "wholly".

I hear St. peter and the others in heaven don't take to kindly to blasphemy.

You can make them sacred for yourself but I'd prefer to follow a prophet who's not lead around by his cock.
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.88 > ALChemy | 29-Nov-05/2:50 PM | Reply
I'm trying to say that I don't think it's blasphemy.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 29-Nov-05/3:22 PM | Reply
Blasphemy: A contemptuous or profane act, utterance, or writing concerning God or a sacred entity.

Profane: Vulgar; coarse
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.87 > ALChemy | 29-Nov-05/4:48 PM | Reply
yes, but how is this profane against God? Other sacred entities such as carols, litergy, and dogma are not in the same category as God and not, in my opinion objects of blasphemy.
[6] zodiac @ 212.118.19.91 > Dovina | 30-Nov-05/12:39 AM | Reply
You mean for people to associate your poem with a popular song about God. Your version is about a non-virgin Mary doing a Heavenly Dick. Now you're offended if someone says you're off-doctrine? Whatever.
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.94 > zodiac | 30-Nov-05/11:36 AM | Reply
I'm not offended by having the poem called blasphemous. I figured that would come up. If you say I am off-doctrine, I am not offended by that either. What was your point again?
[6] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > Dovina | 1-Dec-05/8:30 AM | Reply
I've mistakenly called you offended when you're clearly just objecting purposelessly. I'm truly sorry.

DOVINA: "I'm trying to say that I don't think it's blasphemy."
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 1-Dec-05/10:01 AM | Reply
To an atheist it wouldn't be. It's like if I made fun of Thor.
[n/a] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 > ALChemy | 1-Dec-05/2:07 PM | Reply
I don't know if wilco is an atheist, but he seemed offended. See his comment below. I think I've offended darn near everyone with this, on this Thursday, thanks to Thor.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 1-Dec-05/5:22 PM | Reply
Notice he wasn't offended by mine and I was even a little bit racist in it.

I wasn't offended. I just thought it was offensive and the other replies prove me right.
[n/a] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 > ALChemy | 1-Dec-05/5:29 PM | Reply
I intended it to be offensive. The original words are offensively trite, and need a shaking like a lot of "sacred" add-ons do. I find it interesting that if Silent Night came out today as a new song, it would probably be shrugged off as something to make fun of.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 1-Dec-05/6:11 PM | Reply
Yours is blasphemy because it's still talking about subjects related to the bible (go ahead and lie and say it doesn't). It's all about the Da Vinci Code which I'm actually not sure is blasphemous. But yours is vulgar (as you said before) so it's surely blasphemous.
[n/a] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 > ALChemy | 1-Dec-05/8:49 PM | Reply
Mine is surly takling about subjects related to the bible, but I don't think it's blasphemous because it doesn't berate God.
[6] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > ALChemy | 2-Dec-05/1:02 PM | Reply
I disagree. Making fun of Thor (or, rather, saying things about Thor which aren't true according to Thor doctrine) is blasphemy.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 2-Dec-05/2:46 PM | Reply
Yep, that's my point.
[n/a] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 > zodiac | 1-Dec-05/2:00 PM | Reply
I have objected purposelessly. Apology accepted. Is there some other way to object? There truly is, as you have so often said, something I am not getting.
[n/a] BrandonW @ 216.78.56.221 > ALChemy | 29-Nov-05/3:08 PM | Reply
Led around by his what?
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > BrandonW | 29-Nov-05/3:18 PM | Reply
Hee-hee. I knew I'd get either you or Zodiac to jump me on that one. You've been surfin' the recent comment list I see.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 29-Nov-05/1:21 PM | Reply
Chinese Night

Siren night
Whorey night
All is cum
Ow his bite
Ram yo' vagina
Muffer in China
Whorey inferno
Nintento and my ho
Sheep in heavin' repeat
Sheep in heavin' repeat.
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.88 > ALChemy | 29-Nov-05/2:51 PM | Reply
You'll burn for this.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 29-Nov-05/3:23 PM | Reply
Not if God has a sense of humor.
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.87 > ALChemy | 29-Nov-05/4:51 PM | Reply
I think He does.
[6] zodiac @ 212.118.19.91 > Dovina | 30-Nov-05/12:41 AM | Reply
Of course he does. He has everything. The real question is whether he also has a serious sensitive side, and how that works out.
[6] zodiac @ 212.118.19.91 > ALChemy | 30-Nov-05/12:54 AM | Reply
This and your Indian post kind of confirm my idea that people with dyslexia tend to have better-developed rhythmic and auditory senses than the rest of us. I knew a dyslexic poet on another site who could hardly follow a normal paragraph of text but had the most amazing and genius sprung rhythm I've ever seen.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 30-Nov-05/5:52 AM | Reply
And that's not the only quality we share with black guys.

I think it’s probably just a compensation thing. Like how blind people’s senses become more highly tuned. I'm not sure why rhythm would be such an important mechanism for dyslexics but it seems to be that way.
[6] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > ALChemy | 1-Dec-05/8:34 AM | Reply
Yes. Even being (once again, somehow,) a special ed worker, I've never gone for the idea that disabilities tend to come with compensating abilities. Dyslexia is the one consistent example I can think of. Being able to easily make and see homophones and half-rhymes probably means you're not a naturally solid reader/sight-learner and your sense of the sounds of words is therefore stronger.
[n/a] wilco @ 24.92.74.122 > ALChemy | 30-Nov-05/3:39 PM | Reply
Now, THAT's a poem.
[6] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 | 29-Nov-05/3:00 AM | Reply
A ream look at a fast pull, and no slang. You could have done this a lot faster by simply adding the word "not" to the beginning of each line. And it would have been just as clever.
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.97 > zodiac | 29-Nov-05/11:09 AM | Reply
But then it couldn't be sung to the traditional melody without forcing the rhythm. And it wouldn't make sense. Your answer: "It doesn't anyway." My answer: "Yes it does."

Nighty-eight bottles of beer on the wall.
[6] zodiac @ 212.118.19.91 > Dovina | 30-Nov-05/12:39 AM | Reply
Sure it makes sense. It's just not clever.
[6] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 | 29-Nov-05/3:01 AM | Reply
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 29-Nov-05/3:06 AM | Reply
I guess under that metaphor I could say I have Irritable bowel syndrome. Few can match him turd for turd. You came as close as anyone.
[6] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > ALChemy | 29-Nov-05/3:22 AM | Reply
Well, you have to know that I wrote 90% of "Beard My Homemade Negro Jesus", the most epic poem on poemranker ever.
[6] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > zodiac | 29-Nov-05/3:28 AM | Reply
Correction: 50%.
[6] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > zodiac | 29-Nov-05/3:20 AM | Reply
Your comment got lost in the rankersphere. Sorry.

I haven't been accused of being -=Dark_Angel=-, mostly because everybody who cares knows he's given me more hell than anybody else, except maybe -=Dark_Angel=-part2. I have been accused on poemranker of being a "suck-egg dog", a "dolly-mop", and "a hopeless Gay introvert," but the worst was when Dovina accused me of having expectations.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 29-Nov-05/3:32 AM | Reply
I think the only person I thought you might be once was Hap. (or maybe the ghost of John Updike).
[6] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > ALChemy | 29-Nov-05/3:33 AM | Reply
Isn't he still alive?
[n/a] Caducus @ 172.212.243.109 > zodiac | 29-Nov-05/3:52 AM | Reply
Dark Angel can't die he's too clever for that.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 29-Nov-05/4:02 AM | Reply
Maybe. I forgot to check. He's so old. Like Bob Hope before he died, every year I'd just assume he died.
[6] zodiac @ 212.118.19.91 > ALChemy | 30-Nov-05/12:33 AM | Reply
The best thing about John Updike is the Krusty the Klown line, "Shut up, Updike." My wife tells me that's her new SMS ring.
[6] zodiac @ 212.118.19.91 > zodiac | 30-Nov-05/12:34 AM | Reply
The second is that in two years of claiming to be John Updike on poemranker, only about three users have known he's a real person.
[6] zodiac @ 212.118.19.91 > zodiac | 30-Nov-05/12:36 AM | Reply
The third and fourth are "John Dickup" and "Joan Bigdyke".
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 30-Nov-05/5:34 AM | Reply
Is that line a quote or one of your inventions? Should be a quote.
[6] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > ALChemy | 1-Dec-05/8:35 AM | Reply
I'm quoting my own imaginary detractors. As usual.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 1-Dec-05/10:05 AM | Reply
Thinking outside the box again.
[n/a] wilco @ 24.92.74.122 > zodiac | 30-Nov-05/3:43 PM | Reply
And you're saying you're not any of those things?

Someone on here once said I don't have any feelings....that hurt.
[6] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > wilco | 1-Dec-05/8:36 AM | Reply
Yeah, I made up all those insults, so I guess I should know.

If it was me, I'm sorry.
[n/a] Caducus @ 172.212.243.109 | 29-Nov-05/3:51 AM | Reply
If his piece was so heavenly would your night be so silent>?
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.82 > Caducus | 29-Nov-05/9:46 AM | Reply
Silence is golden.
[n/a] wilco @ 24.92.74.122 | 30-Nov-05/3:44 PM | Reply
I'm not religious or anything but I just don't think turning a christmas carol into a naughty nursery rhyme is all that original. No offense, but it just doesn't seem any more so to me that Sasha's irritating translations.
[6] rahson_s @ 65.217.153.100 | 1-Dec-05/2:13 PM | Reply
I dont know how you pulled it off, but...

Rahson-
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