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Shamefaced (Free verse) by Doug Doggie dreams may seem absurd-
to peoples complex reason,
but a man's musing mind may seem the same-
to the great god of Bloomington.
And through the gray bar gauntlet of worst truth and spit,
hateful stares flinging cum and shit-
one just might meet Humiliation,
but come time of timorous-tangled death-
your sure to know Him well.
Up the ladder:
Tasmanian Wolfs
Down the ladder:
A strange Wonder
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.7
Posted: June 11, 2004 1:20 PM PDT; Last modified: June 11, 2004 1:20 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.35 Overall Rank: 3397 Comments:
I like the idea and the follow through. I trip over some of the images in line five. I think you mean "You're sure to know Him" right? -8-
If more concise this could be good but as you're a bit of a dick for the way you critiqued my work I can't be bothered to waste my time.
A shame because your work isn't half bad but you moan about how many hits your getting and you leave comments like - "your work sucks big panther nuts" Not the brightest crayon in the box are we.
Offbeat but also off beat. Some apostrophe problems.
Edit and make some cuts. 7 232 view(s)
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Could somebody critique my poem please?