poemranker ::it's damp after closing by hendrimike

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Free verse № 134285

it's damp after closing

Member since 2004 · Posted 30 Nov 2005 · 3 comments

there has been a reality hitting me it's coming from a girl that is fitting me she came and went and it kills me she came to see what thrilled me we can all remember the past what is the fate that you look towards when can you give your mouth away when can your love be words that say hold on lover we can both be awake at dawn when the darkness lets up and the thoughts shine through i am just looking through the plague of emptiness and disarray for when can the end be coming near because that is when your fears finally clear i am a man that sees a gal and she shrugs in the light that magnificent sight and the musician in the street he plays the beat with feet tapping against the cold concrete it's been raining in my head but it's starting to clear and the street is illuminated with the glow of fear as you look at me and i to you and in that moment the light shined through

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mean 6.00 weighted 5.12 rank 5758 views 179 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

3 comments

[8] zodiac 30-Nov-05/1:20 AM Reply
I can't get past "we can all remember the past". There are about a million reasons why that's just not right. For example:

1. No, many people can't.
2. What you think you remember isn't really the past.

The rest of this is good at what it's trying to do.
[n/a] hendrimike › zodiac 1-Dec-05/12:07 PM Reply
thanks...
[10] ALChemy 30-Nov-05/7:44 AM Reply
It seems like every stanza is missing a line.