poemranker ::For my unborn by Caducus

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Free verse № 131670

For my unborn

by Caducus

Member since 2002 · Posted 5 Oct 2005 · Edited 2 Dec 2005 · 4 comments

Dreams birth my children It’s a painful birth With every waking, There are three of them Yet none of them And four of them cry. None of them are named Yet God calls them Angels Denied Earth from my love. In heaven sleeps my children Dreaming to be born From the eighth day to their first. One day I will hold them The way I held their Mother And they will feel loved Never having to dream.

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4 comments

[9] Dovina 6-Oct-05/4:37 PM Reply
I give birth almost every morning during the half-sleep after dream and before reason. Maybe this is not what you mean, doesn't matter.
[9] Dovina 2-Dec-05/11:59 AM Reply
In heaven SLEEP my children.
[n/a] ALChemy 2-Dec-05/2:53 PM Reply
seems to personal to tarnish with criticism or vote.
[8] zodiac 3-Dec-05/6:41 AM Reply
Doesn't really make sense to use birth as a weird verb when you're just repeating it in the next line. You need punctuation at the end of line2, I think. At any rate, it seems like you're trying to say "With every waking there are three of them" and not "It's a painful birth with every waking". Actually, neither way really works for me.

I'm getting from your poems that you know alot of things God does that other people don't normally know. How is that? Is that right? I think no, not when it's just as easy to express some uncertainty about it, to emphasize (for example) that it's what you (or, better, a character) IMAGINES God doing.

- sleep my children, not sleeps.

"Dreaming to be born" is sloppy grammar. Yes it can mean "they dream in order to be born", but it doesn't mean "they dream of being born", so you're not getting your first meaning out of it, much less your subtext.

What? Your children never have to dream? What? What the hell? Are they protozoans?