Focus

Member since 2003 · Posted 29 Nov 2005 · 2 comments

I fell into a stupor, An inebriated calm, While the world swirled thus around me And the strangers came thus roundly I couldn't then believe my sight, Sight being of another's eye Falling out of consciousness In joyous route and spleen and spry Steps eternal, midnight whisper, leading off to games undone Cursing all to curse the sky Fooling all to fool but one

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4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

2 comments

[8] zodiac 30-Nov-05/1:22 AM Reply

Why all the linebreaks? "I couldn't believe my sight" isn't a real expression, or particularly grammatical.

"spleen and spry" is good, but you know for all intents and purposes they're opposites, right?

[10] ALChemy 30-Nov-05/7:50 AM Reply

The only thing I would change is that I would space the lines and the words even farther apart.