Re: Call upon the wrath of god on ye by Imago	30-Oct-04/7:50 PM
The first line is, I'm afraid, grammatical nonsense. Permit me to explain. If you call on something, especially someone's wrath, you call on it to do something. Thus, if you want to keep the 'upon, you would have to add a verb later on, and say something along the lines of 'Call upon the wrath of God To fall on them'. Elsewise, you can rid yourself of the upon and keep the rest as it is [with one exception I'll get to in a moment] -- 'Call the wrath of God on them' -- which would be the equivalent, more or less, of your 'Pox on thee' example. Secondly, it should be (as in my rewritten versions) 'on THEM', due to the fact that 'Thee' is the singular pronoun. As it stands, you're telling the abuser to call the wrath of God on himself -- an admirable sentiment, perhaps, but not very practical or likely. Besides, to make it work as it is, you'd have to change the tense in the second line to 'Who sees' -- again, 'Thee' being singular. Also, the fourth and fifth lines are just plain silly. And the spelling's a disaster.
Re: The correct order of things by Stephen Robins	28-Oct-04/8:15 PM
And what, prithee, is an unnatural pearl? The second-last line breaks the rhythm -- fix it up, it suddenly turns plodding. Perhaps 'Thought not, you dem thoughtless wanker' would do.
Re: Social Awarness by midnitebeauty101	28-Oct-04/8:12 PM
Dear heavens that last line is bad. Unless it's a perfectly plotted last line to make us realise the whole thing's a joke, in which case it's quite brilliant. If (as I suspect) it's not, allow me to point something out: What would be sad would be if teen suicide WASN'T an issue. Its being an issue at least means someone's noticed. (The previous of course assumes one thinks suicide a bad thing.)
Re: Inane Muttering by Don-Quixote	28-Oct-04/8:10 PM
For some reason, I actually like everything but the last line of each stanza (except for the first, which doesn't quite count.)
Re: Ahkataka Akarnakuray by Imago	28-Oct-04/8:08 PM
Either change 'Pray thee' to 'Prithee' or keep the second person singular throughout the whole sentence (e. g.: 'Pray thee art thou sound in mind?'
Re: Friends by mishy_lee	28-Oct-04/8:06 PM
Very clever how in every second stanza the rhyme isn't true.
Re: I'll Take You In My Arms by ilovecars131	6-Oct-04/5:59 PM
Mediocrity Code: 8174F121
Re: A Kiss Beneath The Blossom Tree by Caducus	24-Sep-04/5:39 PM
For some reason I can't bring myself to think the last stanza fits. Though I love the 'Kissed her lips on the ashes of blossom'. For some reason it doesn't seem to work rhythmically. Also, while the whole wheel of time moving around, as was done before so shall be done again, etc theme works (i.e. you kissing your lover where your parents kissed etc.), it seems a touch clichéd. It makes me think too much of 'Songs my Mother Taught Me' in that respect. There's also the fact that I sort of would have liked it if you'd found a way of ending it without bringing yourself into play. 8 for now because I'm a miserable shite and the score's high enough as it is already.
Re: Jarooomeee by klosterfobik	19-Sep-04/6:09 PM
This is without a doubt the most blatant case of idiotic self-voting I have yet seen. As a poem, this fails for a simple reason: if you start off with a rhyming quatrain, you should not round it off with three unrhyming verses even more lacking in rhythmic distinction than the first four.
Re: A Vision of Dark Desire by crims0ngh0st	13-Sep-04/2:41 PM
Naughty naughty.
Re: Sleep of Death by necroscope7	13-Sep-04/2:39 PM
Mediocrity code: 0070F000
Re: For you by Montinequego	13-Sep-04/2:38 PM
Mediocrity code: 0070C021
Re: Heaven vs. Hell by angel born in hell	13-Sep-04/2:25 PM
Suddenly I remember why rhyming fell into disrepute. But hey, unless you've died before, how d'you know that death's not worse?
Re: rock me to sleep tonight: by Sapphire	4-Sep-04/11:30 AM
I want to like it. I really do. But there's something about it I can't put my finger on that leaves it just short of what it could be. P.S.: CymbAl. Please.
Re: Vic, so Bitter by mogwai	4-Sep-04/11:28 AM
One thing -- there is no need for punctuating the end of every line.
Re: Fugly by Freethinker1602	20-May-04/7:05 PM
'Sblood. 'Tis terrible.
Re: I cannot take this shit(please comment and critique) by TrulyUnique0642	20-May-04/7:04 PM
Let me assure you that it is much kinder if I neither comment nor critique.
Re: Catharsis by wilco	20-May-04/7:02 PM
Zounds. Up a bottle of wine. No wonder you feel like you're going to fall down the staircase.
Re: I Can't Wait Till Christmas Day Resubmission by Teen14	20-May-04/7:01 PM
Gadzooks. Beyond commentary.
Re: Fear by Phalkon	20-May-04/7:00 PM
Heavens. The intellectual and literary ninnyness makes the mind reel.