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Inane Muttering (Free verse) by Don-Quixote Your hushed whispers
said nothing- it was just your voice
and blither that was somehow
calming.
In those twilight moments,
they were a welcomed occurrence-
since I wasn't listening.
Brushed away my worries
unwound the anxiety- letting me drift
to whatever dream was forming
in my mind then.
Thats how you always convinced me
everything was fine- and now, without it
I'm left submerged, flailing.
The worst of it?- waiting.
Which ultimately?- changes nothing.
But your whispers?- made me press on.
Simplicity accomplished alot;
things aren't so simple now.
Up the ladder:
Surveyor and Farmer
Down the ladder:
Observer
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.3333335
Posted: November 12, 2003 8:35 PM PST; Last modified: November 12, 2003 8:35 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.62753 Overall Rank: 2193 Comments:
[10]
Lifeboatman @ 203.131.94.18
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12-Nov-03/10:19 PM
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Reply
10
Probably your best.
Well, its the first one i wrote that didnt need a second draft afterwards.
course, some months later ill look at it again and will probably spot something that bothers me..
"occurrence" as it is used is a missed opportunity, methinks. Why were they welcome? (sarcasm aside)
Other than that, pretty frickin' solid. -9-
For some reason, I actually like everything but the last line of each stanza (except for the first, which doesn't quite count.)
Would you be kind enough to say why you didn't like the last lines of the last five stanzas? Just so I'm made aware of it's flaws.
Thank you for reading and commenting on my piece, I've always had a fondness for your work, and it's an honor to receive your feed-back. 217 view(s)
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