| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Time Imperfect (Free verse) by MacFrantic Beset upon by faith and dependency
No love for the loveless today
Arrangement by way of estimation
Time slowing to clutch busy souls
A head swimming with gratification
Marbles left somewhere in Arizona
Poison seeping through fleshy cracks
Broken tones embedded in swollen eardrums
Night falls beneath an earthly sunset
As dawn blooms above a filthy vagrant
Shirtless cowboys feasting on ghosts
Adolescent rebels bearing themselves
Grace bowing to sympathetic cause
Derailed principles with true aim
A swamping greed closing in fast
While time ends at a razor-thin crossing
Up the ladder:
This one the love
Down the ladder:
Surveyor and Farmer
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.3333335
Posted: June 20, 2004 7:53 PM PDT; Last modified: June 20, 2004 7:53 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.62753 Overall Rank: 2197 Comments:
[10]
Dovina @ 24.52.157.176
|
20-Jun-04/8:09 PM
|
Reply
Haunting and good.
Mac-Daddy-Fan, nice job.
I wouldn't mind seeing a version that is less of a series of snapshots, less list-like. should "bearing" be "baring" as in exposing themselves? So, although I'd prefer a bit more flow, these ideas leave some solid impressions anyway.
I preferred to use *bearing* In the context of *offering*
okay, got it. I was fooled by the shirtless cowboys in the previous line.
I guess it ties better with the following line. tx.
Nope.
I receive from this poem a singular horrific vision of a sick punctuationless existence. But then, I've not actually read it, just kind of squinted my eyes at it awhile.
i really like this, i can't really find the meaning, but its good, the shirtless cowboys is kind of gay, but i'm sure theres a meaning behind it. i like the layout of this poem, its good.
eloquently put.
239 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
