poemranker ::Social Awarness by midnitebeauty101

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Free verse № 114459

Social Awarness

Member since 2004 · Posted 28 Oct 2004 · 6 comments

Kneeling by your grave So many thoughts in my head You were always so brave Now you're nothing but dead After everything they teach None of us were aware You thought help was out of reach When all along it was there You were everyone's friend The star if the show Is there a sign you could send There's so much we don't know But now you're gone There's nothing we can do We just sit here forlorn Remembering you I wish I were mad Maybe then I wouldn't miss you And it really is so sad That teen suicide is such an issue

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6 comments

[2] Tintagiles 28-Oct-04/8:12 PM Reply
Dear heavens that last line is bad. Unless it's a perfectly plotted last line to make us realise the whole thing's a joke, in which case it's quite brilliant. If (as I suspect) it's not, allow me to point something out: What would be sad would be if teen suicide WASN'T an issue. Its being an issue at least means someone's noticed. (The previous of course assumes one thinks suicide a bad thing.)
[n/a] cuddlytiger17 › Tintagiles 29-Oct-04/5:28 PM Reply
Though I see where you're coming from, a synonym for issue is problem. Teen suicide is a problem, and it is sad that its so common. "What would be sad would be if teen suicide WASN'T an issue." <--With issue meaning problem, you're saying that teens committing suicide is a good thing. lol before you criticize others make sure you know what you're saying.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › cuddlytiger17 29-Oct-04/5:49 PM Reply
It is a good thing, in moderation. What do you think?
[n/a] cuddlytiger17 29-Oct-04/5:21 PM Reply
Sad write.

You spelled "awareness" wrong in your title, and I believe you meant "of" not "if" in the third stanza.
[0] Sasha 31-Oct-04/7:21 AM Reply
This is the sort of thing you should have left on that sheet of lined paper and never bothered to type. It's quite bad, really. I'm sorry for your loss but it does not make for good poetry or moving reading.

This is the very worst thing you could do for the memory of the dead. You are unwittingly generalizing one more dead person and lumping them in with the rest who have had so many bad poems elegizing their deaths.

This poem, while it may be meaningful to you, is meaningless and laughable to the rest of us. If you can believe it, so many kiddies ask me to read poetry just like this expecting me to praise it. I do exactly what I'm doing now. I tell them this kind of poetry, as common as kleenex and as disposable, is exactly why "young creative writers" classes are a bad idea.

If you really want to do justice to the memory of the dead, focus on what made your friend unique in life, instead of what made your friend another badly rhymed "poem" among the rest of the prematurely dead.
[8] tadpole 16-Mar-05/5:19 PM Reply
is this a true story?



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