Re: Pyrrhus smoked the sun by SupremeDreamer	Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1	2-Jan-21/6:16 PM
I found the idea of "as boots scrape the last grains/ of our spirit into the receding ebbtide" a bit too opaque
Re: Padre's Gumbo by SupremeDreamer	Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1	2-Jan-21/6:14 PM
Should be no comma in the second line. Should be- is an image- (an, not a) You might consider using "awarded the gold medal.", instead of "receiver of the gold medal"- just a suggestion.
Re: Musings: Willow Sculpture by SupremeDreamer	Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1	2-Jan-21/6:10 PM
really liked "lachrymose blades" for the weeping willow's branches and leaves-and you provide a somewhat surprising, good ending! Recommend using a colon after living statue. Semicolons are for joining 2 complete sentences.
Re: A wicked rose grows in God's grapevine. by SupremeDreamer	Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1	2-Jan-21/6:06 PM
to stand is the opposite of being supine (2nd line) child's toy add an apostrophe I presume you are purposefully playing with the words faltered and faulted, deliberately combining them to coin a new word (faultered)?
Re: A Poet's Rifle by SupremeDreamer	Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1	2-Jan-21/6:01 PM
you have a quill in the first line, a pen at the end- I think it would help to have "pen" in the first and last stanzas. arctic has two c's in it. Could have a capital a for Arctic, but does not have to. Cute reworking of the sentiment "I'll give you my guns when you pry them from my cold, dead hands"-
Re: Serendipity (title suggestions wanted) by SupremeDreamer	Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1	2-Jan-21/5:56 PM
Maybe title it Growth? add an apostrophe to one's in one's mind loved line: blossom with roots/ entwined deep within the soil--lovely. really like the last 3 lines.
Re: A Dreamers Cookery: Cosmic Gardener [edited] by SupremeDreamer	Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1	2-Jan-21/5:52 PM
clever!
Re: Some follow marchers- others take time to understand it. by SupremeDreamer	Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1	2-Jan-21/5:50 PM
great line: "blood is still a favored paint" accidental typo in abundant, the "n" was dropped need an apostrophe in won't-and in poet's in "a poet's work" and in i'm (i'm accustomed) might be stronger to leave poets out of the first stanza since they are such a strong element in the second stanza. I liked "rainbow wizard in a pointy hat- very cute! Liked this overall, appreciated the point made... excellent line: emotions have....an abundant supply of lips in motion
Re: Necromancers Song (Incubus Guitar & Buddhist Drums) by SupremeDreamer	Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1	2-Jan-21/5:42 PM
moon's midnight (add apostrophe)- you might consider using "among" the stars or even "with" the stars- or "along with the winking stars." Liked winking in there! liquor's been drained (apostrophe- standing for the liquor has been drained). I really liked "the home where our questionable demeanor was accepted, at times applauded" and felt that was next sadly contradicted by "or draped with scorn"- maybe soften that with- or occasionally draped with scorn? Liked this very much, good capture of a scene- good question at the end!
Re: Poetic Soup [revised] by SupremeDreamer	Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1	2-Jan-21/5:35 PM
Liked this! (oh- spell cannot as one word...)
Re: Pencil Dust [revised] by SupremeDreamer	Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1	2-Jan-21/1:12 PM
I love some of this! But great lines lose impact when mixed in with cliches. The last stanza is marvelous.
Re: Pencil Dust [revised] by SupremeDreamer	Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1	2-Jan-21/1:12 PM
I love some of this! But great lines lose impact when mixed in with cliches. The last stanza is marvelous.
Re: Reason by Dovina	Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1	1-Jan-21/6:45 PM
Love the last stanza, the sound matches the actions beautifully
Re: The Call Of Cannons by SupremeDreamer	Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1	1-Jan-21/6:40 PM
(petals of love, not pedals, I believe you meant?)
Re: Palm Field Park by SupremeDreamer	Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1	1-Jan-21/6:39 PM
Learned a new word. Sonance. Thanks! (sound) A little cliche'd but sweet.
Re: Deranged Sailor: Sea Sickness [revised] by SupremeDreamer	Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1	1-Jan-21/6:29 PM
Using end of line rhymes but changing the scheme of the rhyme through the poem does not add to the poem. I would change it so it deliberately does not rhyme except for internal rhymes. You have some lovely lines and images but I do not see it really hanging together. I liked the ending from your original better, I REALLY like the lines "moves the feather/ thinking myself a bird. That is excellent!
Re: Frozen beauty by INTRANSIT	Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1	1-Jan-21/12:25 PM
I don't know that "looming" fits; loved all the rest of it.
Re: A soldiers life by closeup	Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1	1-Jan-21/12:23 PM
small grammatical fix: soldier's life (use an apostrophe) soldier's death I'd use a comma between company and Ted, not a semicolon, which is used to separate 2 complete sentences. I assume Ted is the corpse. The poem does capture strong emotion, and certainly makes a strong point
Re: An Agenda by INTRANSIT	Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1	1-Jan-21/12:19 PM
When you wrote extracating- do you mean extricating or extracting? The poem is too unclear to me. Whose agenda? What armada?
Re: Faith by INTRANSIT	Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1	1-Jan-21/12:17 PM
again: the word is its here--no apostrophe. Here is a simple rule of thumb to use to decide if "its" needs an apostrophe or not: If you can SUBSTITUTE it is, use it's. Otherwise, do not use an apostrophe. I like the metaphor, that faith is a fire, and how you carry the metaphor through the whole poem.