Well, I mentioned the wind just to set the scene, but I could have done that better aswell. As for some of my references being cliche, your somewhat correct- but im trying to get an idea across, and also allow the reader some flexibility in regards to interpretation. In other words, some slight amount of cliche in is better than having my verse becoming incomprehensible. Never-the-less the poem will be rewritten so it won't be confused with my ode "My Love, Futility", so I'll also fix up those cliche(s) you mentioned to the best of my ability. Thanks for your input, always appreciated.

Er, now before I go into a seemingly defensive posture, I want you to know that my rebuttal is not in response to your assesment of the poems quality, but to its theme/subject.

My last poem was a mockery of most folks need to feel empowered and in control, etc, and of some of the things people do to feel in control and not utterly helpless and insignificant.

The piece above deals with the metaphysical, another affront to the concept of theism- specifically theistic use of forgiveness, theism's definition of morality and its use as a strict guideline
for avoiding suffering. It also expresses my take on morality/sin/ and self-improvement of the spirit/mind. Course, that was my INTENTION to have the poem express all that, but its obvious that I've failed horribly- and that is why I agree with you when you say its not well done, and I can see how you got the idea that my ode and this poem were the same. (the third quotation in particular is probably where I screwed myself..)

Its backs to the drawing board with this piece. Thanks for your comment- you made it clear to me that the poem is crippled, and is in dire need of repair.

Bless you.. this attack on my piece relieves my desperate, depraved addiction for your brand of ranker spanking- its saltwater and arsenic injected straight into my jugular.

But on to the dance which follows:

In short, literal interpetation aside, I essentially said he can not know of all the sins a person commits daily unless he defines god as able to do so- AND THEN ALSO give him the power to know of all the "bad" things they do/think/unknowingly conspires to do, whether he wishes it or not.

And as for god manifesting light after creating heaven on earth in the dark:

How could he make light without some divine sense of "sight"? Even he would have to create a means to tell the difference between darkness and light to create them with the attributes that he had in mind in for them in his holy & sacred plans for the creation of Existence. If not, theres a good possibility god flipped on the light-switch to discover in supreme ironic chagrin that he didn't make earth a perfect sphere, but instead round with slight impressions/lumps dotting the surface! But since a deity of his perfection and power isn't able to make mistakes, he realizes that mountains are also a part of his plan!His extreme perfection caused him to manifest them without the need to be aware of it. Maybe thats why he is said to know of whats in store for everything and everyones destiny before it actually occurs...

And why would Jesu have just those specific abilities, since in theory (in the sense that he is equal to a deity) able to manifest any ability that his divine imagination comes up with? It all seems silly. Plus the destinctions aren't a real factor since I'm attacking theism in general (transendent, all-powerfull being who created man and set forth sacred rules he must abide, etc. Every form of theism applying their own lil details is irrelevant, because all such religions are built with the same core attributes that define religious theism.)

That is all- My feet have stopped their tapidy-tap-tap and have become still once again. I do hope you give me another brutal & potent fix soon in reply.