Free verse № 60009
Musings: Willow Sculpture
Oh weeping willow!
You cause me to ruminate
upon the tears that slide
along slender,
lachrymose blades,
enshrouding your
stooped form.
My calm examination leaves
me to conclude that your
legion of keen leaves exist
only to sheathe the humiliation
of your failure.
I consider your timid stance
a decrepit show of defiance
which makes me think:
You are not
a weeping willow,
but a living statue;
the frozen image of
opprobrium.
-----------------------------------------------------------
This is how I write willow poems luckjoe...
enjoy the curse that I just did engrave
and burn on your forehead.
19 comments
I really like the idea behind this poem, so humor me supreme. I think the use of 'stooped' in the first stanza is not a strong enough descriptor. I also think that the second stanza (the double use of leaves in particular) actually cheapens the sentiment behind what you are getting at.
We can all only wish that our poems weather like stone: lasting a mortal eternity, yet yielding to the wisdom of of those who tread after.
1: Bend one's back forward from the waist on down
2: Debase oneself morally, act in an undignified, unworthy, or
dishonorable way <- this really gives a nice touch.. :)
5: Carry oneself, often habitually, with head, shoulders, and
upper back bent forward.
3/4 was about sagging and descending quickly..
I think stooped worked well, in all respects, course i wouldnt mind a thought from you concerning what you would have chosen.
ah, leaves, well.. fuck, i could say foliage! inspiration. thanks for pointing that one out, i made a revision to my computer copy. I could also change the first leave into left.
a minor bump.
and, i dont think any poem stands unmoved..either the poet moves it or- remembering my boring earth science classes, water makes stone turn into sand, its just a matter of time (depending on your opinion concering time anyway.)
Dont worry about being wrong or whatever, i dont mind nitpicks at my stuff, i goto places other than here ya know, and i get people rewriting it in wierd ways saying "This will work better, and blah blah..." but its not that bad, it actually helps, depending on the critic.
anyway, enjoy the drunken poetry, im also intoxicated: meth/pina colada's ;)
It is up to the reader, and I failed this simple test
When dark angel decided to flap with toothless lil grin about my spelling and such, i made it a goal of mine to outdo his dictionary fairy knowledge.. im pretty good at it now, course im still workin with it.
http://www.poets.org/poems/poems.cfm?454
And here is what your version would look like:
http://agentprawne.illfuckinghostit.com/
Now do you see?
And besides: what's all this guff about me correcting you all the time? As far as I recall, the only time I've done that was for your American Eden poeme, in which you had incorrectly used the word "its" ten times. I may have corrected the odd word elsewhere, but I'm hardly jumping on every syntactical error I find just to make me look smart. I already look smart. And judging by the way you write most of the time, it's obvious you don't really bother with things like spelling or grammar or the difference between "your" and "you're". You might just be ignorant, but you probably just can't be arsed. So I don't bother pointing it out. I only point out errors when I feel it undermimes the author's credibility and/or confidence. I do it because I'm good at it, and I'm genuinely interested in people. And because it makes me feel big.
Forget it kid - it's Chinatown.
Recommend using a colon after living statue. Semicolons are for joining 2 complete sentences.
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