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Necromancers Song (Incubus Guitar & Buddhist Drums) (Free verse) by SupremeDreamer
We traveled the sky, along the winking stars to reach the moons midnight bar where ravens dance in the exotic ivory glow-- There you played an incubus' guitar to the beat of my buddhist drums and the necromantic tune of the lead singer glorifying the life of a rogue to the crowd; A concert of wicked drollery- where our songs were heard by souls smoking hand-carved wooden pipes or drinking their chosen poison-- The home where our questionable demeanor was accepted, at times applauded or draped with scorn. Now the smoke has cleared, the liquors been drained; I listen to the silence left by unconscious bodies strewn across the floor- wondering where we've gone if anywhere-- Perdition or Elysium?

Up the ladder: A Permanent Fixture
Down the ladder: Intrusion

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.25
Weighted score: 5.6051183
Overall Rank: 2294
Posted: February 5, 2004 12:33 AM PST; Last modified: February 5, 2004 12:33 AM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 | 5-Feb-04/8:24 AM | Reply
Inconceivably shit.
[8] richa @ 81.178.230.13 | 5-Feb-04/8:44 AM | Reply
well written, reads smoothly
[7] NanceXToo @ 24.229.216.168 | 5-Feb-04/2:19 PM | Reply
This reads well. Love S2. Good imagery. I like it.
[10] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.116.54 | 5-Feb-04/5:03 PM | Reply
also, you, I have a mission for you young one, e mail me at horus8j@yahoo.com
[10] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 | 9-Feb-04/7:43 AM | Reply
Do you fuck as well as you write? If so Stephen Hawking is looking for a new bitch.
[8] Jill Stockinger @ 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 | 2-Jan-21/5:42 PM | Reply
moon's midnight (add apostrophe)-
you might consider using "among" the stars or even
"with" the stars- or "along with the winking stars."
Liked winking in there!
liquor's been drained (apostrophe- standing for the liquor has been drained). I really liked "the home where our questionable demeanor was accepted, at times applauded" and felt that was next sadly contradicted by "or draped with scorn"- maybe soften that with- or occasionally draped with scorn? Liked this very much, good capture of a scene- good question at the end!
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