enough with the redundant parentheses. and shouldn't it be a firefly presuming the firefly is the 'he' part of the simile

...i think she's got it .... a self referential poem that leaps about with brilliant humour ! .......

this is something we all go through .... and you did care enough to submit .. in my view a poem of no value except as exercise .... but do you care? .... :-)

There isn't a whole lot of point in having the end letter of a line and the letter at the beginning of the next line the same. I understand it was an allpoetry challenge. It was a stupid one. It works for the s's sonically but y at the end of a word has a different sound to a y used at the beginning of a word. When you do these challenges things seem kind of forced also.

"make all your birthday wishes – true" why didn't you inlude COME? Speak it out loud, tell me what beat is missing? Check This: make all your birthday wishes cum true while I push my fingers deeper into you --- Do you get what I'm saying? That aside, here's a nine.

I like the voice. I like the way you throw the last line too.

Mentioning may twice in a couple of lines is inelegant. Otherwise perfectly fine.

Horus It's been a long time since I last came here and some of the old timers have gone - where is God'swife's poetry? - but how good to see you're still here, still spitting it out according to your own personal rhythm - I like it.

lustful temptation? burning sensation? is this about VD.

I'm not sure if I'm reading this right. Were you one of the chinless wondren responsible for the perming of frizzled hairs.

"The verse that would come forth" seems a little clumsy - I think it's the "that would come" not sure about it. It mucked up the flow for me. Also, you could drop the 'that' from the second to last line. I liked the musings within this piece.

This is really new from you! This like Ezra Pound meets Lenny Bruce - really enjoyable and funny and letting its satirical teeth gleam. It's good to be abck on the 'ranker. The end of a very long dry spell has brought me back and it's good to see old friends here.

Give up on the trite musings on God and religion.

The dream becoming blurry, works better for me. I've buried myself inside mistakes or Buried myself inside my mistakes..or I'm buried inside my mistakes...not sure on the proper english for this but seems to be too many "ownership" words in this line. What you reckon? I love the torment hindsight can deliver.

I think verses 2,3,4 are really well written the overall story from then on gets a bit daft though. N.B. I don't think wreck rhymes with nect'r whichever way you strangle it.

No need for the damn it bit. The third verse is the weakest by far so I'd shelve it. Other than that sweet in a kind of naive pimply way.

I don't really know what a holy minor fall is, I think you mean a pun on minor as a child and minor in music but to what end I'm not sure. Also try and avoid cliches like coming gloom crumbling tomb. Other than that good. Some of the phrasing is quite complicated but good. The poem is strongest where you explore the physical nature of the balalaika and play with the metaphor.

Dark and erotic, like your mother.

i would say this falls into more of a lyric category. i cannot help but hear someone rapping this out. some interesting thoughts here. not sure yet what i take away from it, so after re-reads, i may change my vote.

if this is really as erotic as it sounds... seems like a scene out of some "master - servant" relationship. a little oral pleasure as a welcome back? not sure what the narrator's "story" is really...