Yes, we send rocketships up into space... I don't see the connection between "vulgar peoples, rocketships, the passage of time, and with people gone, peace--leaving ashes and embers. I think it would help to make the connection more clear. Just because we send up rocketships we are vulgar? too unclear for me.

Some lovely lines. A few discordant ones: "His fear holds him dear", "needles poking forth" I'd remove the comma after "his circle of pain and joy". Also- I think it should be: Humanity's struggle i.e. the struggle of humanity. You capture strong emotion, passion; I see this as describing Jesus Christ or a Christ-like figure. Like the ending a lot.

Wow. intense.

small grammar fix: its cage (no apostrophe)I love the last 6 lines, love "cree-yaw" for the bird screeching against being imprisoned.

Hi, Charlie (the goldfish?)!

Well said!

Sheets as a stand-in for streets did not work well for me-- Liked much of this!"Don't burden about crashing; burden doesn't fit well there- just use "worry" or some similar word, I would recommend. cute metaphor.

Loved the rhythm of this. One jarring word: hobby, broke the vision and feel of the poem.

Like how you "make the gloom" (I've gloomed) and it becomes a tangible thing in the room. Might be stronger if you use a different word to describe a darkening instead of gloomy in the first line.

I enjoyed these! Honey works!

I like the mystery and suggestion in this. I see her tears as maybe indicating she feels she is getting older, less lovely with the passage of time. (A window in time is closing).

grammatical fix: its machine- should not have an apostrophe there. Maybe drop the first exclamation point. Two in a row are too much and actually lessens the impact. Nice!

again: the word is its here--no apostrophe. Here is a simple rule of thumb to use to decide if "its" needs an apostrophe or not: If you can SUBSTITUTE it is, use it's. Otherwise, do not use an apostrophe. I like the metaphor, that faith is a fire, and how you carry the metaphor through the whole poem.

When you wrote extracating- do you mean extricating or extracting? The poem is too unclear to me. Whose agenda? What armada?

small grammatical fix: soldier's life (use an apostrophe) soldier's death I'd use a comma between company and Ted, not a semicolon, which is used to separate 2 complete sentences. I assume Ted is the corpse. The poem does capture strong emotion, and certainly makes a strong point

I don't know that "looming" fits; loved all the rest of it.

Using end of line rhymes but changing the scheme of the rhyme through the poem does not add to the poem. I would change it so it deliberately does not rhyme except for internal rhymes. You have some lovely lines and images but I do not see it really hanging together. I liked the ending from your original better, I REALLY like the lines "moves the feather/ thinking myself a bird. That is excellent!

Learned a new word. Sonance. Thanks! (sound) A little cliche'd but sweet.

(petals of love, not pedals, I believe you meant?)

Love the last stanza, the sound matches the actions beautifully