No not at all. I was simply asking if YOU are the pain ( I doubt it) or if you are IN pain(that's the mood I pick up from these few lines) I love this kind of economy. I think you could come up with something else to reveal at the end instead of repeating the first line. If I thought it was bad I would just come out and tell you.
Imagine you happen to be depressed and that it happens to be raining. You follow the drops down the glass with your finger.At that point you are depression itself,But there's still the awareness that you don't have to be that way if you don't choose to. The copied line really doesn't matter, to me.
The why must wwe all suffer comment is relevant to the knowledge that we all suffer. Not because of your poem, but because it is the stuff of life. I was being compassionate.
Like how you "make the gloom" (I've gloomed) and it becomes a tangible thing in the room.
Might be stronger if you use a different word to describe a darkening instead of gloomy in the first line.
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Might be stronger if you use a different word to describe a darkening instead of gloomy in the first line.
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