| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Vulgar peoples (Free verse) by INTRANSIT The Phoenix rises
as does the Columbia.
Maybe, when ties are stored
and vestments put away
and blades browned
and barrels rotted
and history forgotten
and lips have closed
and tongues intertwine,
then, maybe,
peace.
But there will always be
ashes and embers.
Up the ladder:
blues
Down the ladder:
Dogwood Winter
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.5
Posted: January 20, 2003 3:54 PM PST; Last modified: January 20, 2003 3:54 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.4034123 Overall Rank: 3122 Comments:
don't need the 'but'. please explain "ties"? what are they? why do you store them? are you speaking of loyalties?
neckties. I hate it when a but gets in the way.
Slash and burn baby.
likey? or no?
I like it. This is much, much, much better than the turtle poem. Here's a 9. I especially enjoyed the last two lines.
Yes, we send rocketships up into space...
I don't see the connection between "vulgar peoples, rocketships, the passage of time, and with people gone, peace--leaving ashes and embers. I think it would help to make the connection more clear. Just because we send up rocketships we are vulgar? too unclear for me. 253 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Wondering if it should end on peace?
Not sure.