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Charlie (Haiku) by INTRANSIT Glowing orb with spots
Circular motion, it swings
Joy in a fishbowl
Up the ladder:
He Told Me Once
Down the ladder:
throw-away
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.888889
Posted: November 26, 2002 6:18 PM PST; Last modified: November 26, 2002 6:18 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.4444447 Overall Rank: 2978 Comments:
[7]
daniella @ 200.61.59.64
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26-Nov-02/6:24 PM
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Reply
does he garble at you while you verse? cute
[n/a]
INTRANSIT @ 205.188.209.77
> daniella
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26-Nov-02/7:00 PM
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Reply
Yes, actually he does.
Why is it you keep pulling you poems from the site?
Insecurity, mostly. Trying to balance work,poetry and time with my wife is frustrating. I'd rather verse and learn more than anything right now. Would you comment on my haiku, please.
Get over it. Cute at best.
I will, eventually. Thank you, and you're not a big fan of the haiku are you?
Actually, I quite enjoy the haiku if used properly. I think it allows you: 1) to reduce emotion, sometimes difficult emotion, into simple images and 2) create pure imagery. However, folks seem to be tied up on English variations of it and forget the images for say, a comedic purpose. That bothers me. Ypu did not do that here, so don't pull a God's Wife on me.
A god's wife? She pulled her stuff around the same time I did. That was wierd. I prefer to stay as close to the proper form and topic as I can. I'm all for anything poignant or humorous though.
since you have given him a name, i'd like to see anthropomorphism in the poem. i.e., call him 'him,' not it. swing it just a little more, too.
I thought your were at the barn getting naked with your hippie friends and chanting B.F. Skinner tonight.
no. just dinner tonight. i'll save getting naked for when there are at least 20 of us there, thank you very much.
Was everybody nice to everyone else? No food fights? I must walk the dogs.
ben left to go do something manly, i think. so it was just me and nat and the kids and crazy paul. ho hum. that's why i'm home early. oh, and the slammer showed up and had a bite with us too.
Well duh. I could've done that considering the title is a proper name. Um, swing what? I'm hung like a stud hamster!
swing the meaning a bit. my favorite haikus have a twist implied within. e.g.--the first 2 lines make me think of a disco ball, but your title isn't duplictous enough to make the last line a relevation. see it?
I'll re-post one of my other haikus tomorrow which is better. I just did this 'cause I really love this goldfish my wife bought me weeks ago.
Life is a goldfish bowl and we are like Charlie, hope you didnt buy him off a pikey. i always like the way you express max out minimalist.
Thats cool
Hi, Charlie (the goldfish?)!
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