| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Panning for gold (Free verse) by INTRANSIT I went on my way
in hopes to find....
But it seems all I created
was a mountainous pile of tree bark
for my blacktop plunderings.
And dreamland never came.
In the little bird house,
my grey mattered knife
cuts me again
Sending my ghost away
and leaving my eagle to cree-yaw
in its' cage.
Up the ladder:
We are ignorance
Down the ladder:
Like Heraldo's Vault?
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.4
Posted: December 9, 2002 10:32 AM PST; Last modified: December 12, 2002 6:14 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.0476813 Overall Rank: 6843 Comments:
[8]
vulcan @ 80.242.3.89
|
9-Dec-02/10:45 AM
|
Reply
well!it's admirable!
Cool.
maybe it was false teeth, slipping the cogs.
in the case of my dispatchers: rotten teeth!
nifty poem. nice image, at the end there. i'd change the name though. maybe "panning for dildos"? 8 swastikas!
those putzes in Denver ARE dildos. Oh wait, that's a compliment.
disregard.
the influence of certain other writers on this site added to your own unique gift of clarity and individual style has improved your work so much. I know you've been working hard and i fink its paid off
Thank you Caducus, I added "dreamland" this morning. I wanted it in the original but my mind gets so flushed with ideas that I just forgot all about it.
A SWAGGERIAN BACHIANUS AWARDETH THIS DAY I DOTH DECREE UPON THEE! 10.
Uh, thanks I guess. Somehow doesn't seem earned though.
You're moving along darlink! This piece is quite dark for someone so gullible. Will you marry me? 18-wheel me away from these hooligans? You can tie wood blocks to my shoes, and show me where the gears are. I'll drive, you'll write. Order me a pancake.
You will lie down for anyone with a few drinks, eh? And here I thought we had something. Oh well. At least z has honor!
It's not about lying down, and it's not about drinks. Haven't I made clear my Love? It's about kindness.
I for what it is worth have been kind this entire evening.
You push to far. Stop making fun of the poor kid just because you've got cupcakes and factory sealed potato-chips, while he's got lunch-vouchers. I know you know what I mean, otherwise you wouldn't know how to be so cruel. Good-night, kiss the baby for me.
A little depressing maybe, but not dark. So now we have gullible on top of oversensitive. Anything else? C'MON PEOPLE! Lets get 'er in the big hole! Let it rip!
Is this your attempt at chivalry? Does you wife know about the GW fantasies?
No. I'm quitting the chivalry bit. It doesn't pay. Don't you mean the P&K fantasies?
So your gay like DA?
I'm whatever you want me to be,sugar.
I prefer not to make you anything except for what you are: a truck driver poet living in MI with a wife he hates to leave for two weeks at a time because it reduces him to reading Sappho on the road and hanging out in porn boxes. Truth and beauty. That is what I want!!!!!! Poets Unite!!!!!!
Is this the wife again. If so, and Intrasit is hauling cars, well then you can call me sugar.
C'mon now, you know I'm not that smart. Who the hell is Sappho?
It's WI. I'm suddenly a truck driver (poet). What is that? Some kind of halfway house? poet,ha! I know you better than that.
Think feminist Playboy. Except instead of showing the whole woman it only shows fragments of her. Sorry: WI. What is wrong with being a truck driver poet? We all have jobs that pay the pills; well except Horus8. He is just a pure artist. A visionary. A Californian!
I meant gullible in the most flattering sense of the word! Your innocent and authentic. You're not some poetry poser like the rest of us. Chivalry is not dead, Chivalry is not dead, Chivalry is not dead. Please help me Intransit, you're my only hope.
Poetry poser? Come on. What a goof thing to say. yes, Intransit, gullible can sure be flattering.
I'm happy for the two of you. No, really I am.
Happy for "us". Why do you say that? She is asking you or your husband if this is the wife to save her from a mean and reckless world filled with lost souls that have become cynical bastards and now love nothing more or nothing less than the bottle. Oh yeah! Go to her. Show her that there is still love in this crazy mixed up world. Redeem America while there is still time. Go. Intransit, Intransit, I love you Intransit, but you only have 14 hours to save the earth. Intransit. Ahhhhh. Savior of the Universe. This would work better if your user mane had only one syllable.
Put the bottle down and go to bed my friend.
It is only 8 o'clock. I am perfectly sober, working on a project while my kid pulls out all my CDs. Where is my wife!!! I think you have me mistaken for someone that GW has mistaken me for. She is yours now. But you must know. She is short. You must prefer the petite poet. Don't tell you wife. I won't either. It is our secret.
too late jocko. My wife knows all about my co-ed harem. mistaken-shmaken. your hope-lights not out yet. live with it. Mine? She belongs to no one. And I was never trying to "take" her from you.
what do I have in my bag here... Goof.(just for you)
The sad thing here is I think you are being serious. Hope light? Do you come up with this shit on the road? It is too good.
Hope light: flashlight for when all of your chickenlights have burned out. No, I'm not serious. I'm not scared any more. Why would I be/ I work for the BonAnnos.
And I'm tired and I have x-mas shit to wrap. Catch you later.goof.
You wrap shit? I thought you just gave it high marks.
Scared of what? God's Wife? California? Do you really fancy them serious, quality writers over someone like....hmmmm.....Z? As far as the other - I have no idea what you are talking about. I thought you were going to stop being a truck driver. Are you pissed becasue they are letting the Mexicans in? Do you skimp on time or are you one of those Christian truck drivers that never break the law and pray at every weigh station.
Thank you! I'm there dude!
Is this a much smaller version? It seems to have lost some of it's emotion. Take out "while on another front". Can you images to create the shift in direction?
I dropped the cogs. They were supposed to be a metaphor for lost time but pathetic is what they were. Image for a direction shift,eh? lemme see...
Cree-yaw..hee ha! hee hee ha...ah chicky wicky shaw. tonight for dinner me thinks porterhouse steak 13 oz, some sierra nevada pale ale (4, 12oz)..i oz. of horse radish creamy..and a baked potatoes 7 oz, with an oz..of sour cream & chives and butter, a side of spinach w'parmessian 4 oz appetizer? a vanilla stoili 2 oz one indica joint 1 gram.desert? hardcore gay sex and special k with a shot of tequilla..than a nice shower with extra soft water...leaves me with that slippery feeling. over all calories earned to those burned uncalcuable. do to unlimited variables....b
I'm still not sure what all the metaphors represent.
At my own peril, if you are tight with zzinnia, I will tell her to let you in.
I would like to get tight with Zzinnia, that would loads of fun I'm certain. Can you pick me up where the 60 and the 605 meet, then drop me of and Zzinni's barn? I'll bring some 40 yr. old scotch and home-made empanadas. She can let me in on all the secrets.
small grammar fix: its cage (no apostrophe)I love the last 6 lines, love "cree-yaw" for the
bird screeching against being imprisoned. 275 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
