Re: Christ At The Oscars by Caducus	25-Mar-04/7:11 AM
"On a Gethsemane of popcorn" is a nice line, but doesn't get the visual punch it should, I think, because popcorn needs to be doing something in this place (like being strewn on the ground or something) rather than being the place. "salted phial" is a nice ryhme with smile, if slightly out of context - overall, it shows a nice control of language - maybe shows -off- a bit too, but the subject isn't terribly appealing (personally) - it may find a market though since it's topical. Best be quick though.
Re: Love in Winter Storage by Russell	25-Mar-04/7:05 AM
2nd stanza has to go. What else you got? the rest is very nice with some solid poetic language. So, overall I like how you say it, but what you say isn't too engaging.
Re: Fire, Water, and Blood by Katzclear	25-Mar-04/6:55 AM
oh. close. betrayal, suicide - so many poems to compete with and this one just gets trampled.
Re: Fishing Trip by darkshark	25-Mar-04/6:52 AM
the tiny words that don't add value don't hurt this one as much because its a nice sentiment. You could beef it up by trimming it down though - still - quite well done.
Re: Baggage by darkshark	25-Mar-04/6:51 AM
okay - not too shabby. But it needs some trimming of those little words to help give the idea some pop. and some color, sound - another sense.
Re: again by the indign	25-Mar-04/6:49 AM
smells like a poem; a good approximation.
Re: bunny by the indign	25-Mar-04/6:48 AM
... something one might use to warm up to start writing a poem. Start from the drop kick and go from there.
Re: weeping tree by the indign	25-Mar-04/6:46 AM
"ponder yet a second laughter screen" makes me struggle. drawers boxers redundant, fine but as a rationalization to mirror words in the next few lines - no. this smells synthetic somehow; strung together from random thoughts then a pasting of the first line to the last to imitate structure and - done. Thats what it looks like anyway.
Re: end of era by the indign	25-Mar-04/6:42 AM
aphoristic, and could be truth - but it's only a subset of a poem.
Re: The Beautiful Chase by smlink84	25-Mar-04/6:38 AM
problem with this: "As a mother intent on With a million vows." the language use with all those conjunctions, prepositions and simple verbs doesn't do this much help.
Re: Reunion by syrusstone	25-Mar-04/6:36 AM
hmmmm.... some line breaks would give this a better flow. Some fresh thoughts on a pretty common theme.
Re: I'm Alive! by sonawrote	25-Mar-04/6:34 AM
Hey - not a bad hook. Could make a good song.
Re: Misplaced Life by Richard	25-Mar-04/6:32 AM
"You, a new flavor expanding Across my windshield." Richard, for this kind of [sadly very common] subject matter it needs to really stand out to, well, stand out. Some good imagery here, but not truly striking.
Re: Style / Ffordd by Nicholas Jones	25-Mar-04/6:30 AM
While you wait for Godot, I wait for poetry. Actually, this makes a solid point... if only it were SPANISH, well then - ooo that would be sumfin.
Re: a comment on Poetry in action by Bobjim	24-Mar-04/10:55 AM
OH THAT LIST. That a new one on me. What is the name, etc. on this poster - I wanna look it up. Is it from like a store?
Re: a comment on Poetry in action by Bobjim	24-Mar-04/10:53 AM
no seriously - I didn't notice! I'm going to re-read the thread now. Sheesh.
Re: a comment on Poetry in action by Bobjim	24-Mar-04/10:21 AM
and when you said "poster" you meant a big page hanging on the wall, and not some person who posts? Hey, I'm trying here.
Re: a comment on Poetry in action by Bobjim	24-Mar-04/10:19 AM
oh! you mean, by saying, "Limericks have one less syllable in the 3rd and 4th lines." that they (3rd and 4th) have one less syllable than the 1st, 2nd and 5th lines? so like there once was (3) man from nan (3) bla bla (2) bla bla (2) you could suck (3) like that?
Re: a comment on Poetry in action by Bobjim	24-Mar-04/10:16 AM
sorry, missed where the count was given. [shrug] Maybe I am stupid - what was the question now?
Re: a comment on Poetry in action by Bobjim	24-Mar-04/10:14 AM
Yeah, I'd fuck him over in a second without even noticing.