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weeping tree (Free verse) by the indign
and the weeping tree grows flowers in the spring let's catch a fly and string him to the guardrail we'll sense a newly dawned ideal of lore and fable and follow through to somber crowns we'll travel deep inside the trenches lost into the burrowed sand castle walls ponder yet a second laughter screen then toss to the backs of the soiled drawers boxers as they dance as they dance as they dance the ring the opal diamond sapphire ring cartoon around in circular path torn trails a mirror marks the glory in the heroes in the south feel free feel open feel daring to dance with the dance with the ring grab out grab up grab for the witch hunt as the tree as the tree as the weeping tree grows flowers in the spring

Up the ladder: He

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.857143
Weighted score: 5.4994626
Overall Rank: 2743
Posted: March 24, 2004 7:55 PM PST; Last modified: March 24, 2004 7:55 PM PST
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Comments:
[7] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 25-Mar-04/6:46 AM | Reply
"ponder yet a second laughter screen" makes me struggle.

drawers boxers redundant, fine but as a rationalization to mirror words in the next few lines - no.

this smells synthetic somehow; strung together from random thoughts then a pasting of the first line to the last to imitate structure and - done. Thats what it looks like anyway.
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