Re: a comment on Colors Collide by Blindpoetry	25-Mar-04/8:07 PM
I kinda get what u is saying, but I think the general schyentifical consensus is that a combination of all colors makes, in fact, white. Black is the absence of color. but PLEASE - don't tell anyone. Especially not here...
Re: a comment on I'm Alive! by sonawrote	25-Mar-04/8:01 PM
Oh. Just the title, or the whole damn thing? You kids and your rock and roll.
Re: Colors Collide by Blindpoetry	25-Mar-04/6:56 PM
Well, I like it for the unusual construction. Does the repetition work? Might be a tad overdone. I wonder what the consensus will be. Either way I can deal with it. The last fourth is a bit pimply yet it stays entertaining enough - probably because it doesn't come off as taking itself too seriously.
Re: Colors Collide by Blindpoetry	25-Mar-04/6:42 PM
quen[t]ched (no T) - quick fix it before u get votes!
Re: The Cry of Lorquine by MacFrantic	25-Mar-04/5:53 PM
nice title. "but yet" - pick one (not but). Lie. what made you think they were hopeless? What did that scene look like? Show me that. Does the last line [of the poem] mean that the line, as in ancestry, was lost? Lorquine is a type of butterfly, isn't it?
Re: a comment on Reunion by syrusstone	25-Mar-04/3:23 PM
not after that whole "I thought he was a girl" thing back in '93
Re: a comment on how i love by elizabethann	25-Mar-04/3:21 PM
Agreed. Maybe there are humble poets still alive, but anyone having the audacity to put thoughts and heart to paper - and then to share them with the world, must be quite entirely full of themselves. And in so doing, may sometimes be taken lightly.
Re: how i love by elizabethann	25-Mar-04/3:19 PM
I'm okay with it too - could do without the lowercase i's though - they distract from the piece too much. Too much self depreciation can get old quickly.
Re: The Golden Candlestick by phbiscuit	25-Mar-04/3:16 PM
Something about the cadence of this: "In a mass choking under the weight of So much life, So much indecent need for A place to hang a hat And eat a meal By a fireplace with a gorgeous wife And two lovely daughters." that works quite well; the line breaks together with the prep phrases - usually I hate that. somehow works here, in that part at least. I'd like to see that last stanza reworded so "golden" doesn't sound like a cheap modifier, as if you said "oh, I have to put an adjective here" -a candlestick of brass/gold -a reflection in candlestick gold -a slice of cheddar cheese (usw)
Re: Lunacy by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w	25-Mar-04/2:12 PM
Hey, thanks for helping me out with the comments today. This isn't bad btw - needs a little more I think though; its just the start of a character. Make [you] do something.
Re: About men in toilets by scitz	25-Mar-04/12:18 PM
Last stanza is fairly good - did you start with that one at first? Prolly sould be cut down by a third overall.
Re: The Coast Is Never Clear by Fear of Garbage	25-Mar-04/11:19 AM
"giuse" ui "You need it, you look " - "you'll look"? "Fr" "For" beyond that - quite good. The simple and repetitive words like "like" is deceiving - works well. A fairly strong effort on a topic that could easily be (and often is) badly done.
Re: Bridgebuilder by phbiscuit	25-Mar-04/11:14 AM
Because of the frost-like opener expectations get ratcheted up, I think. But the language falls short - a reasonably good concept but it doesn't flow. Doesn't endear. How to fix? Sorry I can't help with any specific nips or tucks; read more Frost, I guess.
Re: A Walk Along The Lonely Shore by Sam	25-Mar-04/10:58 AM
With thousands words the moon reflects the sea (?) Would it calm down or would just explode that stuff is, ah - ungood.
Re: a comment on Stratifying the Stress by Russell	25-Mar-04/10:45 AM
I'm playing a little catch up - I hope to get to it. I'm easy!!
Re: thaw by JakeBike	25-Mar-04/10:38 AM
Hello Mr. Bike. I like the word usage (zodiac is on crack) - this has a mature feel to it. I think a typo in "velevt" though - and prolly "coming off" could be made more, especially considering the language around it. Maybe that would be too much? Dunno - consider it, see what u come up with.
Re: My Sister's a Ninja by fevriere	25-Mar-04/10:29 AM
LoL - the rhyme feels self-effacing, and that's cool. I like this one!
Re: Roses by abcmonkey78	25-Mar-04/10:27 AM
this switching from iambic to trochaic in this context kinda makes my brain hurt. Know what I mean? It has such a classic feel that I've been trained to think it will be iambic all the way through. So many rose poems in the world, were it not for the very last sentiment I'd completely forget it after the read.
Re: Stratifying the Stress by Russell	25-Mar-04/9:03 AM
Some good tidbits; more clever than effective.
Re: Edd by Bobjim	25-Mar-04/7:15 AM
rushed ending - the rest is a nice little ride. make try some ends?