replying on You are a Fool, Dad by AskittlesK
28 Mar 2004, 6:21 AM
I will say though, the title rocked, and the first stanza started out pretty well.
on You are a Fool, Dad by AskittlesK
28 Mar 2004, 6:20 AM
Too simplistic; I don't buy it.
The 1/begun rhyme did it in.
The 1/begun rhyme did it in.
on Horny Hornswoggling by purplewalrus
28 Mar 2004, 6:19 AM
"And present a number of social agenda"
despite the possibility that it could be grammatically correct - this should be remade in such a way so that it doesn't raise the question.
Laced with interesting political language but I can't get past that it says, overal, "despite our potential, we suck" - that's what I get out of it anyway.
Maybe this would appeal to a campus audience more (I did like it better than the last one, though).
despite the possibility that it could be grammatically correct - this should be remade in such a way so that it doesn't raise the question.
Laced with interesting political language but I can't get past that it says, overal, "despite our potential, we suck" - that's what I get out of it anyway.
Maybe this would appeal to a campus audience more (I did like it better than the last one, though).
on Checkmate by purplewalrus
28 Mar 2004, 6:13 AM
Not feeling this one - leaves me with half my face scrunched up.
on A Garden Wall by somemorepoetry
28 Mar 2004, 6:03 AM
Sure.
on Disaster in Disguise by Miggy
28 Mar 2004, 6:00 AM
But now that I[ve] opened them
I dunno mig - its true that the rhymes are typically simple for a popoular song, but I feel like some of these exist just for the sake of rhyme.
What's this one about?
I dunno mig - its true that the rhymes are typically simple for a popoular song, but I feel like some of these exist just for the sake of rhyme.
What's this one about?
on hidden by the indign
27 Mar 2004, 11:22 AM
I think this is a bit longer than it needs to be to express the sentiment.
Which, I have to admit, is a bit difficult to ascertain.
Gonna need some punch - best done in a smaller space.
Which, I have to admit, is a bit difficult to ascertain.
Gonna need some punch - best done in a smaller space.
replying on hidden by the indign
27 Mar 2004, 11:20 AM
and the poem, how do you feel aboot the poem? Or do you just like talking to hear yerself talk, eh laddy?
on mistaken in a glance by francis nor capule
26 Mar 2004, 3:14 PM
yap. A break-up poem.
on a person by francis nor capule
26 Mar 2004, 3:07 PM
yep. its a love poem.
on fleeting thoughts by francis nor capule
26 Mar 2004, 3:07 PM
yep. a "missing you" poem.
on loneliness untold by francis nor capule
26 Mar 2004, 3:06 PM
yep. Its a breakup poem.
replying on Colors Collide by Blindpoetry
26 Mar 2004, 3:05 PM
Oh, don't worry about him - he causes trouble for a living.
replying on Misplaced Life by Richard
26 Mar 2004, 7:59 AM
Fascinating.
on The Unknown Soldier by abcmonkey78
26 Mar 2004, 7:52 AM
not bad, monkey. the longer lines help the AA BB rhymes which can easily be tiresome.
Maybe you can do something with this line
"And all the more I think about it, fear disgruntles breath"
and the last couplet, too. What's there is an example of a mixed metaphor - you have all this infantry imagery, then in comes the navy. Know what I mean? Don't run out of steam at the end!!
lastly, I won't second guess all your semicolons, since I'm pretty lenient with them, but I raised an eyebrow at a few.
Maybe you can do something with this line
"And all the more I think about it, fear disgruntles breath"
and the last couplet, too. What's there is an example of a mixed metaphor - you have all this infantry imagery, then in comes the navy. Know what I mean? Don't run out of steam at the end!!
lastly, I won't second guess all your semicolons, since I'm pretty lenient with them, but I raised an eyebrow at a few.
replying on Colors Collide by Blindpoetry
25 Mar 2004, 8:28 PM
its actually a stinky muddy brown - I just tested it.
Now I'm fresh out of pigs.
Now I'm fresh out of pigs.
on Untitled *involves taking pills and cutting with razors* by AskittlesK
25 Mar 2004, 8:19 PM
I like the flow of it and it stays to the right side of overdone.
You need a title?
how about "Final Cut"
You need a title?
how about "Final Cut"