Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

hidden (Free verse) by the indign
do you feel it? shh, whisper softly don't scare it away a soft, a hush, a not quite there but yet so present, full, complete do you hear it? silently making its way passing through, passing by reaching out to you do you sense it? it's almost there, it wants you wants you to know it's there yet hiding, it's scared quiet now, don't frighten it away it seems so peaceful it just wants to play, just a little do you see it? it's holding out its hand quick, before it fades away, grasp it hold onto it and share it so quiet, so soothing oh, it's leaving where's it going? wait, wait, it's rushing quickly, follow, let's follow i think it wants to show you yes, it's leading us there hold on, you don't want to fall past there...there it is... oh.... it's so beautiful....

Up the ladder: My Brain
Down the ladder: Boxes

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 01
.. 01
.. 02
.. 20
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.537883
Overall Rank: 2556
Posted: March 26, 2004 8:14 PM PST; Last modified: March 26, 2004 8:14 PM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[7] zodiac @ 67.240.155.168 | 27-Mar-04/9:54 AM | Reply
"While sex is a wonderful, God-given gift, it can be abused like a drug to medicate pain from past rejection, abuse and other wounds. Today, many people find themselves locked in addictive cycles with pornography, masturbation, illicit sex, online affairs, fetishes, phone sex or other sexual activities. If you think you are addicted or know someone who is, this site may be helpful to you."
[7] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > zodiac | 27-Mar-04/11:20 AM | Reply
and the poem, how do you feel aboot the poem? Or do you just like talking to hear yerself talk, eh laddy?
[7] zodiac @ 67.240.211.68 > Shuushin | 27-Mar-04/8:17 PM | Reply
No, I like hearing Christians talk about porn addiction. The poem is cute, delicate, the ending is actually rather nice. But I'd never recommend using ellipses in a poem. I'd do it with line breaks and dashes if it was me.
[7] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 27-Mar-04/11:22 AM | Reply
I think this is a bit longer than it needs to be to express the sentiment.

Which, I have to admit, is a bit difficult to ascertain.

Gonna need some punch - best done in a smaller space.
164 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001