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To Michelle (Free verse) by ALChemy
As I sit here, alone in this one room apartment my thoughts turn to you as they have so often. My mind roams though I wish it not to. Bereaved by that knave “Misfortune” of love’s proof and the vessels of memories rewritten in the emptiness of truth. My beloved, my angel my greatest of lies you are more than you once seen through these eyes. A vision of you graces the recesses of my mind. My eyes strain and I am blinded by pain as your vision erases before my minds eye can see that face that Faustus sought. Oh, for but one glimpse of you my soul too could be bought. So I burden my pen to encompass your beauty but it snaps under the weight of my words. I, the mute genius perched above hell’s doors as the hour, the hours, the hours… If only they were ours. Our love, our heaven, our greatest of lies we are more than us once seen through these eyes.

Up the ladder: Autumn
Down the ladder: Royal Blades

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.537883
Overall Rank: 2556
Posted: December 17, 2005 11:06 AM PST; Last modified: December 18, 2005 5:23 AM PST
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sliver

Comments:
[n/a] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 | 17-Dec-05/9:27 PM | Reply
I'm watching you and will tell you what I see after you first do the same.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 18-Dec-05/5:38 AM | Reply
I don't know quite what I'm looking at. My telescope's zoomed in too close and all I can make out is a hairy mole and what looks like a tiny tatoo of Herve Villechaize bent over with a tatoo of Ricardo Montalban on his ass smoking a cigar (Oh wait a minute. My bad. It's not a cigar, Herve's just taking a dump.)
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.99 > ALChemy | 18-Dec-05/6:08 PM | Reply
Your peeping telescoope is zoomed into the wrong window, in which stands a mirror accross the room. Yes, Im convinced of it.

Hey, it's yuletide, the hatchet-burying time, when people pretend to get along. Really, give me an honest comment and I'll return the gift.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 18-Dec-05/6:58 PM | Reply
Nice I'm rubber you're glue remark.

Words of wisdom: Most burried hatchets end up burried in skulls.

You want honesty? The truth is almost every day is Christmas for me.
That's what I thought. You wouldn't believe me even if I'd told the truth. It's the story of my life.
Merry Christmas Dovina.
You're one of my favorite rankers on this site, honest.
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.99 > ALChemy | 18-Dec-05/7:07 PM | Reply
I believe you most of the time, really. And I feel no hatchet burnings in my skull, not from you anyway.
[9] deleted user @ 204.97.18.177 | 18-Dec-05/4:57 AM | Reply
I have difficulty writing love poems--they often turn out as so much syrup--so my hats off to anyone who can do it well, as you have done here. My only question concerns line 6. Should it read "though i wish..." Or am I mistaken?
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > deleted user | 18-Dec-05/5:22 AM | Reply
Thanks Paul.
I think you can write fine love poems as long as they aren't about someone you love. That's where I find the difficulty because you can't see the broad picture when your right there in the middle of it. I've rewritten this poem countless times and I'm still not satisfied with it most likely because it was about someone I was madly in love with. So my advice is to try to write a love poem about two other lovers.
You're right I missed the "I" in "I wish..." DOUGH! I should have gotten some sleep before posting this. I'm right on it.
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.99 > ALChemy | 18-Dec-05/6:13 PM | Reply
That's exactly right. All my attempts at writing my love notions turn out like kiddieposter mush. (except to the man they're written to). Tell me your love notions, however, and I'll make them into laughable 10-votable literature.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 18-Dec-05/6:34 PM | Reply
So jaded is the effect on longtime poemrankers that they think of others love notions as but a joke.
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.99 > ALChemy | 18-Dec-05/6:51 PM | Reply
It's retaliation for the abuse we take for gushing our own.
[10] sliver @ 172.199.242.198 | 19-Dec-05/12:04 AM | Reply
This smacks of Poe, beautifully done, time well spent.
May she rest in peace.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > sliver | 19-Dec-05/6:17 AM | Reply
Thank you.
I grew up reading Poe so he tends to creep into alot of my stuff.

I hope she's not dead. I see how you get that. It's more about the harsh reality of excepting that the love of your life was never really meant to be. This tends to be the case with artists as they tend to imagine their lovers on a pedestal that could never possibly be reached. Fate seperated us time and time again and eventually you just have to move on. So alas I have excepted that my love for her will be requited nevermore.
[10] amanda_dcosta @ 202.83.45.117 | 19-Dec-05/5:08 AM | Reply
Beautifully worded.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > amanda_dcosta | 19-Dec-05/6:21 AM | Reply
You strike me as someone who knows alot about beauty
so I thank you, deeply.
[10] amanda_dcosta @ 203.145.159.37 > ALChemy | 30-Dec-05/1:08 AM | Reply
I am one who admires beauty in various forms....esp when it comes to love. I have difficulty in wording it, but love trying to express it even if i sound foolish. Thats me.
[0] god'swife @ 71.103.98.44 | 28-Mar-06/6:32 PM | Reply
Are you at all interested in your poetry reflecting contemporary life, or are you affecting the role of a dandy purposefully? This is foppish.
[n/a] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 > god'swife | 28-Mar-06/6:36 PM | Reply
But surly not a zero's-worth. Contemporariness is not surely that important.
[0] god'swife @ 71.103.98.44 > Dovina | 28-Mar-06/6:46 PM | Reply
If you want to write meaningful poetry, yes. If not, then no.
I'm not saying it's neccessary, if you wan't to write "The Jabberwocky" well then go right ahead. But what's the point of writing if you're not expressing reality? History has plenty of melodramatic poetry from the 19th century, it doesn't need any more. Anything worth doing is worth doing well.

Now if he's writing a book entitled Antiquities Of The Mind then he's on the right track.
[n/a] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 > god'swife | 28-Mar-06/7:00 PM | Reply
His most recent poem has a mythical tone to it also, but by his explanation, we know he was not trying to be antiquated, except in his method of poresentation. His thoughts seem entirely up-to-date. I see nothing non-reality or melodramatic in using the poetic structures of other generations to express current thoughts.
[0] god'swife @ 71.103.98.44 > Dovina | 28-Mar-06/7:03 PM | Reply
What are you his PR person?

What do you mean "mythical tone"?

Name one poet who reverted to writing in a style from a previous era.
[n/a] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 > god'swife | 28-Mar-06/7:05 PM | Reply
Alchemy, of course. And I am not his PR rep. And even if there were no others, and there are, I would still maintain that it's an ok thing to do.
[0] god'swife @ 71.103.98.44 > Dovina | 28-Mar-06/7:18 PM | Reply
Since when is alchemy mythical? There are no others, except maybe someone who's writing humorous poetry. I never said it wasn't ok. Everything's ok when it comes to creativity with the exception of having to take a life. It's my opinion that this kind of affectation comes across as insincere.
[n/a] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 > god'swife | 28-Mar-06/7:22 PM | Reply
Alchemy is not really mythical. I meant that his recent poem about the sun and moon sounds like a myth sounds.

I find the affectation of old styles has a charm that does not have to be comical, if done well.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > god'swife | 28-Mar-06/7:16 PM | Reply
Any style of poetry with the prefix Neo in front of it. Jack Kerouac wrote Haikus.
[0] god'swife @ 71.103.98.44 > ALChemy | 28-Mar-06/7:19 PM | Reply
That's the form not the style.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > god'swife | 28-Mar-06/7:22 PM | Reply
Well, I guess you got me there.
[0] god'swife @ 71.103.98.44 > Dovina | 28-Mar-06/7:07 PM | Reply
Human thought on relationships hasn't changed much in oh maybe 8,000 years. The only noun which is exclusively of the present is 'apartment' every other noun existed since Faustus was born.
[n/a] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 > god'swife | 28-Mar-06/7:11 PM | Reply
fax, megabyte, cellphone, to name a few more. But little has changed under the sun in human relationships, but we don't give up on describing them. Every love is new.
[0] god'swife @ 71.103.98.44 > Dovina | 28-Mar-06/8:53 PM | Reply
Where in this poem are those words located?

My point is not that people should stop writing about love, my point is that new poetry should be written in a style that reflects the present. Alchemy is who he is now. The feelings he writes about are felt in this era not in another. To contrive some sort of sappy flourish in style comes off as completely insincere, false, stuffy and pompous. There are quite a few lines that on there own wouldn't create an alien atmosphere. But one after another after another is heavy handed. The reader reads to connect with the author. A thoughtful writer will mirror the times he lives in not abandon it.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > god'swife | 29-Mar-06/5:55 AM | Reply
The whole poem is about romanticizing things to be more than they really are. If you could see past your upturned nose you'd realize that the style echoes what the speaker is saying.

By the way, what is the new poetry movement? Last time I checked there hasn't been anything revolutionary in poetry since the beat poets. Maybe we should all just follow your lead. Do you have any poems here that are innovative and unique?
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > ALChemy | 29-Mar-06/5:57 AM | Reply
I do.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > god'swife | 29-Mar-06/6:30 AM | Reply
Your point is narrow minded. It's like saying all new music that isn't in a new wave form or doesn't talk about cellphones and internet must suck.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > god'swife | 28-Mar-06/7:18 PM | Reply
How about "TWOTT". That one's brand spanking new.
[0] god'swife @ 71.103.98.44 > ALChemy | 28-Mar-06/7:21 PM | Reply
So use it in a poem without sounding like a delusional old man.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > god'swife | 28-Mar-06/7:27 PM | Reply
Tell me what you've got
when you take a belligerent twat
and mix her with an uptight swot?
By God you have got
another form of TWOTT.
[n/a] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 > god'swife | 28-Mar-06/7:35 PM | Reply
Soft Concrete

To be called a twott
With newness of thought
On a poem I called a mess
To the end that he messed it no less
Totals out to a nonpoetic pest
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > Dovina | 28-Mar-06/7:38 PM | Reply
You still amaze me with the poetry in your comments. Ace.
[n/a] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 > ALChemy | 28-Mar-06/7:39 PM | Reply
It's crap, and you know it.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > god'swife | 28-Mar-06/7:13 PM | Reply
I bet I've written more topical poetry than you. I bet I've said more with less words than you also. I don't mind that you don't have much flexability in your poetry. I rate poetry for what it is. I may not like Jazz but I don't go around saying your music sucks because it's Jazz.
[10] sliver @ 209.248.123.229 | 4-Feb-09/11:11 PM | Reply
I am baffled yet again, that's why I saved this to my fav's. Stupendous, genious, a piece of art.
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