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Bridgebuilder (Free verse) by phbiscuit
I am not a builder of bridges, Though you may be fooled by my handiwork. In my house you will find No hammers, no adzes, no saws, No rope, no cables, no logs. Just some sketches Of a narrow enough river That I'll have to cross to get from here To the place where I've been once before. It's worth the crossing Whether done wet or dry, But since I've been waking to frost on my window And visible breath, I'd prefer a way that does not involve Wading or swimming or floating. That's why I've been drawing These simple spans on Blank pieces of paper I've found in the backs of old books Where they expected someone like me To jot down a few notes. I am not a builder of bridges, I was never meant to be, But if you want to cross a river, You have to cut down a few trees.

Up the ladder: inside the raven
Down the ladder: Zipmark'd

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.5
Weighted score: 5.1788044
Overall Rank: 4880
Posted: March 11, 2004 1:28 PM PST; Last modified: March 23, 2004 8:19 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.53 | 25-Mar-04/11:14 AM | Reply
Because of the frost-like opener expectations get ratcheted up, I think. But the language falls short - a reasonably good concept but it doesn't flow.

Doesn't endear.

How to fix? Sorry I can't help with any specific nips or tucks; read more Frost, I guess.
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