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Dream Wars (Free verse) by lastobelus
She's dreaming of me again. Her
eyes move under the lids
and her hand rests limp on my hip.
I watch the quirking of her mouth
in the monochrome light. I won't sleep
now for sure, so I ease out
from under her arm and from
under the covers and pad to the living room
and my couch. Outside, the streetlights
are a row of false moons and someone
comes home late in a taxi.
The fine German motor hums softly
and they spill out
huddled close, stumbling and laughing. A pale BMW
fades away, and somewhere a door closes
firmly on silence. Now--
where were we?
"I stumble down a steep path. At the bottom
people laugh distantly, playing
in the huge waves of a blue-green cove. Tired
of the intricacies required of my feet
by the path, I lift myself up
and float instead. Emboldened,
I swoop suddenly down,
straight into the largest breaking wave.
Silence.
I sink down slowly, the water
cool and alive all around me,
and have no need to breathe.
At the bottom in the white sand I see your face,
spreading over the sand like a vast--"
I open my eyes. My legs are
extended crookedly, thin and white and
luminous on the fine dark color of the sofa.
I rub one jutting bony knee and sigh.
"--I see your face on the bottom, faint and glowing
and I want to go to you.
You are smiling.
My lungs are bursting, though i have no need to breathe.
I sink,
faster and faster and sink right into you.
Suddenly I am in a city, an ancient
brownstone city, and I know the city is really us.
I look at you,
and your face changes.
Your eyes widen. I look up
and the tops of the gold-tipped towers
shimmer and silently crumble. From somewhere
starts the long downward moan--"
Stop. I open my eyes again.
Across the street in the gap between houses
the black night of the sky is moving to indigo.
There is in truth a siren wailing softly
somewhere across the river. I unfold
from the couch. The cool blonde wood
feels good on my feet. Her dream
ended, I will be able to find sleep.
"--I know the city is us, and you have brought
me here to show me how beautiful it is."
In the morning she will tell me her dream
and I will swallow hard and reply,
wondering how long I can manage
this deception.
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.5
Weighted score: 5.1788044
Overall Rank: 4928
Posted: January 29, 2004 10:20 AM PST; Last modified: January 29, 2004 10:20 AM PST
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Comments:
218 view(s)
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Interestingly, though, few dictionaries cite the verb form.
But it's heavily used in swords & sorcery novels, romance novels and cheesy porn stories. "His lips quirked" is a stock cliche in all three of those genres.
I hesitated to use BMW, then opted for verisimilitude. All taxis in Germany are BMW's. I originally had "The pale car..", maybe I'll go back to that.
on the path is probably better, I will take that advice.
you don't like black night of the sky is moving to indigo?!! Damn. I will think about that, maybe I can find something better.
Question: do you think his made up dream for her is cheesy enough, or should it be cheesier, to make the point more? and is it clear that when he's imagining her face in the sand he starts to see her as a giant octopus, or should I just say it?