Baggage

Member since 2003 · Posted 5 Jan 2004 · Edited 24 Mar 2004 · 2 comments

The train will clock in At three again today. You'll probably tip your hat To visitors and the holidays That bring so many people So far from home. My head hurts. No other way to put it Besides in a hat With the brim pulled down, So the sun stays out of my eyes And I can get some work done. We toss them on the ground Like they are just burdens That we must carry on and off a train Before we can go home. They grab them and smile, Never to think anything of us Beyond our striped shirts And tipped hats.

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mean 6.00 weighted 5.12 rank 5944 views 204 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

2 comments

[8] richa 6-Jan-04/7:30 AM Reply

Last three verses labour the point a bit.

First two verses are the best, the wordplay of 'tip your hat to visitors and the holidays' and also 'no other way to put it/ except in a hat'

[8] Shuushin 25-Mar-04/6:51 AM Reply

okay - not too shabby.

But it needs some trimming of those little words to help give the idea some pop.

and some color, sound - another sense.