Re: An Unreal Iowa December Night by LuckyJoe	4-Aug-03/10:38 AM
change breezes presents to "breezes' presents, also "froze" to "frozen"
Re: beauty by nolan	4-Aug-03/10:34 AM
Change breathe to breath. No need to remind us of the cliche "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".
Re: father by girlandwords	4-Aug-03/10:26 AM
I think you mean muscles' pains, unless it is just one muscle that aches.
Re: American Eden by Don-Quixote	4-Aug-03/10:24 AM
Line 2: It's Line 3: society's code Line 6: It's (It's needs an apostrophe throughout) Maybe add something about the tortured's so-called "learned helplessness" self-pity instead of self pity I like the line about rusted eyelids. take the ashes of a war and turn it into solid bricks (change "it" to "them" - the ashes) and does not see pure white snow- maybe change to "the white purity" but a beautiful rainbow of color just waiting to be realized. (little too cliche there, maybe "a spectrum of colors aching to be released (or restored)" chained immediately since birth, - how about "chained immediately after birth" or "chained since birth" I like the last three lines. This has some good parts, but I think you need more fresh images. Some parts, especially earlier in the piece, are too teachy.
Re: Parades for cripples (Shit bag) by Thome Plumpe by Bachus	4-Aug-03/9:51 AM
Pruney-licious. More typos than you usually permit, Bachus.
Re: Sex on bugs by LuckyJoe	4-Aug-03/9:45 AM
I thought the pill was a "pill bug", you know, a "roly poly", (from the lobster family, no less), so I was too grossed out to answer any of your comprehensive questions.
Re: In Gold Leaf by bearhead	4-Aug-03/9:40 AM
Shouldn't it say w/ "owners' names". I like the ending.
Re: A Reporters Saturday Headline Review by Don-Quixote	3-Aug-03/8:21 AM
I would say "Section 8 housing" rather than "low income". If the devil can't fool the Housing Authority, who could?
Re: Reptilian Evolution by DreamerSupreme	3-Aug-03/8:12 AM
I like that the narrator's probes identified this "jar of custard", but his conversion to mustard is something altogether different. Why did the narrator taste him anyway? I think skydive is one word. 10
Re: Tuning Fork by rusty	3-Aug-03/8:05 AM
Nice. I like the last three lines and the juxtaposition of the Easter Bunny or Boogie Man.
Re: A Circle Starts with C by rusty	3-Aug-03/8:03 AM
I love the Alice in Wonderland type feel, the mattress giggling, etc. What about this "phine" though? 10
Re: Grampa Morris by http://bandgeek	2-Aug-03/7:41 PM
That is dark justice. Group therapy anyone?
Re: POEM XXII by DonCalo	2-Aug-03/7:37 PM
So, you were so over the top horny that you came in your pants and turned the other person off? I really can't tell what extinguished your audience's craving.
Re: I Can See the Sunset in Her Eyes by justjay	2-Aug-03/7:33 PM
Sweet. Better metaphors and descriptions on this one.
Re: Perfection by justjay	2-Aug-03/7:31 PM
Keep thinking. "When you smile, You light up the room." has been written by every poet in their early work, but you can think of a different, better metaphor.
Re: Mind Puddle by justjay	2-Aug-03/7:25 PM
Interesting. The periods seem a little arbitrary.
Re: a comment on Malcontent by EAger to Offend	2-Aug-03/7:21 PM
You are right, it isn't a George W. word if you KNOW it is not a real word. I love the uniquity of your vocabulary.
Re: a comment on marriage by bearhead	2-Aug-03/7:20 PM
I think it's better, I could see your dilemma of whether to write bells and knells in the same phrase, but this works.
Re: a comment on marlon by bearhead	2-Aug-03/7:09 PM
I was thinking "rabid", but I don't have your vision of what it looks like.
Re: The Chronicle by Fear of Garbage	2-Aug-03/12:07 PM
Great. A little on the prosey side with your grammatical, complete sentences (not that I can talk).