poemranker ::marlon by bearhead

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Free verse № 58876

marlon

by bearhead

Member since 2003 · Posted 2 Aug 2003 · 6 comments

We are like gorillas Never looking right at each other ~it might be a threat; Trained circus apes are less obvious than we~ This crazy dance holds all The flavor of bananas. And like a neanderthal I just discovered fire But don't yet have a salve For the burns.

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mean 5.86 weighted 5.23 rank 4224 views 152 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

6 comments

[8] http://mulberryfairy 2-Aug-03/11:49 AM Reply
"This crazy dance holds all
The flavor of bananas."
I like this line, but think you should come up with a more specific adjective than "crazy" before dance.
[n/a] bearhead › http://mulberryfairy 2-Aug-03/11:54 AM Reply
Yeah, drew a blank on that line - how's "swinging"?
[8] http://mulberryfairy › bearhead 2-Aug-03/7:09 PM Reply
I was thinking "rabid", but I don't have your vision of what it looks like.
[6] horus8 2-Aug-03/11:56 AM Reply
Wow, what metaphors.
[8] EAger to Offend 2-Aug-03/12:33 PM Reply
What similes, as well. this is fun. I wouln't hold "crazy" against you for this, as it sounds appropriately neanderthal.
[9] tadpole 21-Apr-04/6:00 PM Reply
nice symbolism