| Re: white whale by ThePariahDog |
29-Aug-10/9:28 PM |
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| Re: puppy love by Freethinker1602 |
29-Aug-10/9:27 PM |
dieing=dying (last stanza)
in the first stanza, I think it should say "an awkward little runt" because in that stanza you are talking about yourself in 1st and 3rd person, and saying "The awkward little runt" sounds like another voice is saying it.
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| Re: Holy Spirit - A Tanka Poem by amanda_dcosta |
29-Aug-10/9:24 PM |
I would separate every and day if I were you, because everyday isn't the same as every day, everyday implies boring or commonplace.
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| Re: Chasing Droplets by dinah |
29-Aug-10/9:20 PM |
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Nice, I love the last stanza. If you took out some of the complete sentences/wasted words like "that" and "the", I think it would be even better.
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| Re: IN THE OUTPOST OF WORDS by daggatolar |
29-Aug-10/9:18 PM |
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I like it all, especially 2nd verse, but am distracted by 1st line and 11th
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| Re: Billy Collins by INTRANSIT |
7-Dec-09/3:46 PM |
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Wasn't Billy Collins the movie with the English dancing boy? Nice poem.
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| Re: Warlord by INTRANSIT |
7-Dec-09/3:45 PM |
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I love "drank till my nerves were /wired like an afro". Well done.
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| Re: welcome home by ThePariahDog |
7-Dec-09/3:40 PM |
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nice play there, it feels like you are going to be angry at the beginning of the second stanza, but then your narrator has surrendered.
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| Re: untitle by daggatolar |
7-Dec-09/3:38 PM |
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I don't get the first verse at all. Second is nice.
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| Re: Withering Blithering Blathering Wavering by T. Jonathron Remp |
7-Dec-09/3:32 PM |
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"Menstrual Mongoose"! Hooray!
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| Re: No Hitman is a Good Hitman by Spacey |
7-Dec-09/3:27 PM |
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This was fun, but are you purposely messing up the contractions and the singular v/s plural"nobody"? It is distracting.
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| Re: Clinging to....Life? by sliver |
5-May-09/7:00 PM |
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3rd verse is the best. Fourth verse typo "ache"?
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| Re: Making a Man by Christof |
5-May-09/6:58 PM |
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Beautiful and real. "flute through the easy powder"?
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| Re: Jasmine by A. Nomaly |
5-May-09/6:56 PM |
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I like the placement of your punctuation- how it makes each phrase part of the line and part of a more complete thought with their different meanings.
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| Re: disaster in the flesh by Crakyamuni |
5-May-09/6:46 PM |
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Perfect except for the "never, never" repetition, I don't think it needed the clarification about the last juncture/ kiss goodnight thing.
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| Re: Lament for something or another. by Nicholas Jones |
5-May-09/6:41 PM |
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| Re: Javelin Jungle by T. Jonathron Remp |
5-May-09/6:39 PM |
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I loved your wordplay, and am trying to get the movement of your non-sequiturs.
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| Re: a comment on Sylvania Wilderness by jessicazee |
25-Aug-07/9:19 AM |
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But then, most people ARE in the majority.
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| Re: a comment on Passive Birth Control by http://mulberryfairy |
24-Aug-07/3:16 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Passive Birth Control by http://mulberryfairy |
24-Aug-07/3:15 PM |
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