poemranker ::Sylvania Wilderness by jessicazee

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Free verse № 153609

Sylvania Wilderness

Member since 2002 · Posted 23 Aug 2007 · 6 comments

I'm always paddling in front of you in the lake, in the canoe, I dig, cut the water, you steer us in J-flits, your oar angles us to the first spit before our site through the branches. There won't be any bears, you said, but I heard him first, that black cub running races along the shore. You did the right thing, acting bigger than yourself and loud, and all night in the tent I kept holding you tighter in case the mother bear found our scent, your Old Spice, my store-brand Pantene.

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mean 8.00 weighted 5.36 rank 3367 views 174 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

6 comments

[8] deleted user 23-Aug-07/2:21 PM Reply
Nice write.
[10] INTRANSIT 24-Aug-07/6:35 AM Reply
YES ! Two small nits. J-flits, and Old spice... oh wait
no, well, shoot. The old spice itself is cliche but it steers me away from boyfriend/girlfriend and into father/daughter, so.... Anyway, it's ace. if you revise it any, please post. I'd like to add it to my faves.
[9] richa 24-Aug-07/1:26 PM Reply
Not keen on the final line but this is good. I like how a little story is interweaved into the poem.
[9] http://mulberryfairy 24-Aug-07/3:09 PM Reply
I like the last line; their scents are a cliche in themselves, pre-packaged and all, and I like that you refused to acknowledge their other scent ingredients. How cliche is it,really, when perhaps 25% of the population use those products? When is it cliche, and when is it just statistically accurate?
[10] INTRANSIT › http://mulberryfairy 25-Aug-07/6:39 AM Reply
That's just it. It becomes statistic and loses some of the personal feeling, for me. If it is accurate to her situation, nuttin I can do about that.
[9] http://mulberryfairy › INTRANSIT 25-Aug-07/9:19 AM Reply
But then, most people ARE in the majority.