Englsish tanka does not have to harness itself to 57577, but here you do it without feeling harnessed. The only exception might be that "delight" and "pleasure" are about the same.

I would separate every and day if I were you, because everyday isn't the same as every day, everyday implies boring or commonplace.

i like the form, and the last line. the rest, however, needs work in my view. the adjectives are standard.