on Sylvania Wilderness by jessicazee
24 Aug 2007, 3:09 PM
I like the last line; their scents are a cliche in themselves, pre-packaged and all, and I like that you refused to acknowledge their other scent ingredients. How cliche is it,really, when perhaps 25% of the population use those products? When is it cliche, and when is it just statistically accurate?
on some deleted poem
24 Aug 2007, 3:14 PM
I like the disorganization, and think it could be more pronounced so you'd not have to reveal the diagnosis of schizophrenia twice.
I like your wordplay around lines 9-10, but those words don't really mean all that much to me.
I like your wordplay around lines 9-10, but those words don't really mean all that much to me.
on Making a Man by Christof
5 May 2009, 6:58 PM
Beautiful and real. "flute through the easy powder"?
on Clinging to....Life? by sliver
5 May 2009, 7:00 PM
3rd verse is the best. Fourth verse typo "ache"?
on Javelin Jungle by T. Jonathron Remp
5 May 2009, 6:39 PM
I loved your wordplay, and am trying to get the movement of your non-sequiturs.
on Lament for something or another. by Nicholas Jones
5 May 2009, 6:41 PM
I agree, I thought?
on disaster in the flesh by Crakyamuni
5 May 2009, 6:46 PM
Perfect except for the "never, never" repetition, I don't think it needed the clarification about the last juncture/ kiss goodnight thing.
on some deleted poem
5 May 2009, 6:49 PM
translated from whose writing?
on No Hitman is a Good Hitman by Spacey
7 Dec 2009, 3:27 PM
This was fun, but are you purposely messing up the contractions and the singular v/s plural"nobody"? It is distracting.
on Withering Blithering Blathering Wavering by T. Jonathron Remp
7 Dec 2009, 3:32 PM
"Menstrual Mongoose"! Hooray!
on untitle by daggatolar
7 Dec 2009, 3:38 PM
I don't get the first verse at all. Second is nice.
on welcome home by ThePariahDog
7 Dec 2009, 3:40 PM
nice play there, it feels like you are going to be angry at the beginning of the second stanza, but then your narrator has surrendered.
on Billy Collins by INTRANSIT
7 Dec 2009, 3:46 PM
Wasn't Billy Collins the movie with the English dancing boy? Nice poem.
on IN THE OUTPOST OF WORDS by daggatolar
29 Aug 2010, 9:18 PM
I like it all, especially 2nd verse, but am distracted by 1st line and 11th
on Chasing Droplets by dinah
29 Aug 2010, 9:20 PM
Nice, I love the last stanza. If you took out some of the complete sentences/wasted words like "that" and "the", I think it would be even better.
on Holy Spirit - A Tanka Poem by amanda_dcosta
29 Aug 2010, 9:24 PM
I would separate every and day if I were you, because everyday isn't the same as every day, everyday implies boring or commonplace.
on puppy love by Freethinker1602
29 Aug 2010, 9:27 PM
dieing=dying (last stanza)
in the first stanza, I think it should say "an awkward little runt" because in that stanza you are talking about yourself in 1st and 3rd person, and saying "The awkward little runt" sounds like another voice is saying it.
in the first stanza, I think it should say "an awkward little runt" because in that stanza you are talking about yourself in 1st and 3rd person, and saying "The awkward little runt" sounds like another voice is saying it.
on white whale by ThePariahDog
29 Aug 2010, 9:28 PM
nice sex/hunt Ahab