| Re: Sylvania Wilderness by jessicazee |
24-Aug-07/3:09 PM |
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I like the last line; their scents are a cliche in themselves, pre-packaged and all, and I like that you refused to acknowledge their other scent ingredients. How cliche is it,really, when perhaps 25% of the population use those products? When is it cliche, and when is it just statistically accurate?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Aug-07/3:14 PM |
I like the disorganization, and think it could be more pronounced so you'd not have to reveal the diagnosis of schizophrenia twice.
I like your wordplay around lines 9-10, but those words don't really mean all that much to me.
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| Re: Javelin Jungle by T. Jonathron Remp |
5-May-09/6:39 PM |
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I loved your wordplay, and am trying to get the movement of your non-sequiturs.
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| Re: Lament for something or another. by Nicholas Jones |
5-May-09/6:41 PM |
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| Re: disaster in the flesh by Crakyamuni |
5-May-09/6:46 PM |
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Perfect except for the "never, never" repetition, I don't think it needed the clarification about the last juncture/ kiss goodnight thing.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-May-09/6:49 PM |
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translated from whose writing?
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| Re: Jasmine by A. Nomaly |
5-May-09/6:56 PM |
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I like the placement of your punctuation- how it makes each phrase part of the line and part of a more complete thought with their different meanings.
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| Re: Making a Man by Christof |
5-May-09/6:58 PM |
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Beautiful and real. "flute through the easy powder"?
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| Re: Clinging to....Life? by sliver |
5-May-09/7:00 PM |
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3rd verse is the best. Fourth verse typo "ache"?
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| Re: No Hitman is a Good Hitman by Spacey |
7-Dec-09/3:27 PM |
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This was fun, but are you purposely messing up the contractions and the singular v/s plural"nobody"? It is distracting.
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| Re: Withering Blithering Blathering Wavering by T. Jonathron Remp |
7-Dec-09/3:32 PM |
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"Menstrual Mongoose"! Hooray!
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| Re: untitle by daggatolar |
7-Dec-09/3:38 PM |
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I don't get the first verse at all. Second is nice.
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| Re: welcome home by ThePariahDog |
7-Dec-09/3:40 PM |
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nice play there, it feels like you are going to be angry at the beginning of the second stanza, but then your narrator has surrendered.
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| Re: Warlord by INTRANSIT |
7-Dec-09/3:45 PM |
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I love "drank till my nerves were /wired like an afro". Well done.
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| Re: Billy Collins by INTRANSIT |
7-Dec-09/3:46 PM |
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Wasn't Billy Collins the movie with the English dancing boy? Nice poem.
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| Re: IN THE OUTPOST OF WORDS by daggatolar |
29-Aug-10/9:18 PM |
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I like it all, especially 2nd verse, but am distracted by 1st line and 11th
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| Re: Chasing Droplets by dinah |
29-Aug-10/9:20 PM |
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Nice, I love the last stanza. If you took out some of the complete sentences/wasted words like "that" and "the", I think it would be even better.
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| Re: Holy Spirit - A Tanka Poem by amanda_dcosta |
29-Aug-10/9:24 PM |
I would separate every and day if I were you, because everyday isn't the same as every day, everyday implies boring or commonplace.
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| Re: puppy love by Freethinker1602 |
29-Aug-10/9:27 PM |
dieing=dying (last stanza)
in the first stanza, I think it should say "an awkward little runt" because in that stanza you are talking about yourself in 1st and 3rd person, and saying "The awkward little runt" sounds like another voice is saying it.
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| Re: white whale by ThePariahDog |
29-Aug-10/9:28 PM |
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