Re: Polyester Mustache by Bachus	8-Apr-04/4:32 PM
boring?
Re: Beth by horus8	8-Apr-04/4:35 PM
"calling you out to see you" seems awkward flow. I like the overall rhythm that I'm reading this in. This is truly beautiful. Perhaps a topic over-explored, with not much in content to step it above the rest, but the melody is sweet and haunting. :)
Re: A Little Further by thepinkbunnyofdoom	8-Apr-04/4:40 PM
divits -> divets through out -> throughout I like the idea, less so the execution. With four lines, the second is awkward and the fourth is just a tongue twister.
Re: La théologie pour les Politiciens by wilco	8-Apr-04/4:44 PM
hilarious. some of them are definitely weaker than others (#2, #4, #5). But, you know, just hilarious. :)
Re: J.F.K. by thing1	8-Apr-04/4:55 PM
I don't understand this at all, especially the ending and the title. The flow is smooth, the descriptions decent, but the content has passed me by.
Re: merry-go-round by thing1	8-Apr-04/4:56 PM
cute, but not very interesting.
Re: Lost Girl by niyama	8-Apr-04/5:38 PM
lowercase 'I' sticks out, and "in to" seems it should be "into". But yes. :)
Re: Knuckle Bait by niyama	8-Apr-04/5:39 PM
cute, but a little awkward towards the end.
Re: Wrath by niyama	8-Apr-04/5:39 PM
I am not Shuushin, really, and I'm not just voting what he voted, really. This is silly (not the poem; it is good). :)
Re: if only i could tell by nolan	8-Apr-04/5:42 PM
"inner tissue of my soul" seems out of place, though it inspired me to write a short something that I can't post because the guy who runs this place is too much of a nazi and I already posted one thing today. But, moving on-- surronded -> surrounded overall, this poem reads very awkwardly for me, and doesn't say much new for the path it treads. I like the last four lines the best.
Re: moment in time by calilegzzz	12-Apr-04/12:26 PM
"cool crips breeze" had me thinking this was an entirely different poem for the first three lines (well, there was uncertainty after the first line ended, and serious doubt after the second...) "nights" should be "night's". "raceing" is "racing" I don't understand "which arouses yet another thought you..."--is that supposed to be another thought _of_ you? 'moment in time' is one of my favorite phrases, but it doesn't seem like you really did anything with it here but tack it on at the end, almost like this was an assignment to "write about a moment in time". I'm afraid that this poem reads to me as one cliche after another--pretty words, but the same words everyone else has used to describe the exact same thing. I think you could explore the moment and metaphors a bit more to try to find something novel.
Re: China, Silver, and an Emerald Lipstick by Enkidu	14-Apr-04/5:08 PM
cute.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Apr-04/11:57 PM
points for the idea, less so for execution and seemingly overbalanced zealotry without apparent intended irony.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Apr-04/6:31 PM
Nice image, but the 'stills' bugs me. Is it just stopping now, or has it been stopped? If the first, maybe a comma after? If the latter, ...?
Re: Metametahaiku by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	18-Apr-04/11:41 PM
very cute.
Re: metahaiku by ex0teric	18-Apr-04/11:41 PM
ayup. :)
Re: Do You Like It by hotwire	19-Apr-04/1:42 AM
dr. seuss meets 2livecrew. Hmm. your should be "you're" in the last line.
Re: Take Four by NanceXToo	19-Apr-04/4:05 PM
I really enjoy the twisting of the words that you do, here.
Re: Let's Let the Flies In, Thomas by NanceXToo	19-Apr-04/4:10 PM
I agree with zodiac's comments here.
Re: The Return by doug_soderstrom	19-Apr-04/10:29 PM
actually kinda cute. reminds me of strongbad.