poemranker ::if only i could tell by nolan

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 51452

if only i could tell

by nolan

Member since 2003 · Posted 3 Jun 2003 · 2 comments

remembering the smell of the feeling i once possesed it brings a tear to the inner tissue of my soul breaking down all the drops relative to rain i find myself lying alone on the floor surronded by darkness and the sound of air slowly the dust enters into my black lung choking not only on smoke but my heart seeming like nothing is going to change fear denying my inner person of many wonderful things that are dead passivly hidden away deep inside i try and i try but i can't try against fear if i could only tell what this feeling is saying then i wouldn't be remembering i would be living

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 5.00 weighted 5.00 rank 7726 views 130 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

2 comments

[6] nentwined 8-Apr-04/5:42 PM Reply
"inner tissue of my soul" seems out of place, though it inspired me to write a short something that I can't post because the guy who runs this place is too much of a nazi and I already posted one thing today. But, moving on--

surronded -> surrounded

overall, this poem reads very awkwardly for me, and doesn't say much new for the path it treads.

I like the last four lines the best.
[8] sliver 9-Apr-04/7:52 PM Reply
It sounds as if you are living it, but it seems to be a dreary existance. I like the overall feel of this piece though. A well desaerved 8.