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if only i could tell (Free verse) by nolan
remembering the smell of the feeling i once possesed
it brings a tear to the inner tissue of my soul
breaking down all the drops relative to rain
i find myself lying alone on the floor
surronded by darkness and the sound of air
slowly the dust enters into my black lung
choking not only on smoke but my heart
seeming like nothing is going to change
fear denying my inner person
of many wonderful things that are dead
passivly hidden away deep inside
i try and i try but i can't try against fear
if i could only tell
what this feeling is saying
then i wouldn't be remembering
i would be living
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7737
Posted: June 3, 2003 10:34 PM PDT; Last modified: June 3, 2003 10:34 PM PDT
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Comments:
130 view(s)
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surronded -> surrounded
overall, this poem reads very awkwardly for me, and doesn't say much new for the path it treads.
I like the last four lines the best.