poemranker ::moment in time by calilegzzz

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Free verse № 52362

moment in time

by calilegzzz

Member since 2003 · Posted 10 Jun 2003 · Edited 10 Jun 2003 · 5 comments

The cool crips breeze carries the sent of the sea, as it pulls away from the waters edge The full moon escapes the dark clouds, to shimmer atop the water, like tiny diamonds A subtle chill engulfs the night, but a single thought of you lends me the warmth I need I pause, content to absorb the nights majestic beauty. With my pulse raceing from our recent encounter, and the feeling of your flesh still warm within me I surrneder to the breeze as it caresses my naked form, which arouses yet another thought you... I lay, lost in that place somewhere between reality and fantasy As the morning light slowly warms my skin, and the night fades like a distant dream I recall the depths of pleasure we shared, forever etched within my mind And there is where it shall remain.... A rare, and perfect, Moment in Time.... A PERFECT MOMENT.. ....IN TIME

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mean 3.40 weighted 4.81 rank 10995 views 154 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

5 comments

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 11-Jun-03/4:30 AM Reply
I no longer feel inclined to call you a capital fellow.
[n/a] calilegzzz › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 11-Jun-03/8:07 AM Reply
not sure i am understanding you at all!!?
[6] horus8 11-Jun-03/11:53 AM Reply
I believe you need to muster your nude form back to the typing table, there are some serious typos and horrible flaws in this poem, but the sentiment was maintained, somehow.
[3] Robert K Foster 11-Jun-03/4:20 PM Reply
a few typos, trite and stolid. I'm sure it was nice for you at the time.
[4] nentwined 12-Apr-04/12:26 PM Reply
"cool crips breeze" had me thinking this was an entirely different poem for the first three lines (well, there was uncertainty after the first line ended, and serious doubt after the second...)

"nights" should be "night's". "raceing" is "racing"

I don't understand "which arouses yet another thought you..."--is that supposed to be another thought _of_ you?

'moment in time' is one of my favorite phrases, but it doesn't seem like you really did anything with it here but tack it on at the end, almost like this was an assignment to "write about a moment in time".

I'm afraid that this poem reads to me as one cliche after another--pretty words, but the same words everyone else has used to describe the exact same thing. I think you could explore the moment and metaphors a bit more to try to find something novel.