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A Little Further (Free verse) by thepinkbunnyofdoom This page is full of divits and dents
From writing so fierce, over feelings so intense
That they left echos through out the book
These words make the next that much more broken
Up the ladder:
The most trite garbage ever(in other words my love life)
Down the ladder:
Bon Voyage
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.3103447
Posted: April 7, 2004 12:00 PM PDT; Last modified: April 7, 2004 12:00 PM PDTWeighted score: 7.304632 Overall Rank: 6 Comments:
[10]
Tara57 @ 147.9.40.112
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7-Apr-04/5:50 PM
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Reply
Hell yes
Love it
divits -> divets
through out -> throughout I like the idea, less so the execution. With four lines, the second is awkward and the fourth is just a tongue twister.
er. divits -> divots. sorry. :)
could do without the "so", and "that", still very nice.
Nice. Tho i think These words that make the next more broken might work better. Just a thought.
And a good one. I'll keep that in mind when I tackle a rewrite.
<3 Jason
Appallingly damp.
I was thinking dry, but its your opinion.
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