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A Little Further (Free verse) by thepinkbunnyofdoom
This page is full of divits and dents From writing so fierce, over feelings so intense That they left echos through out the book These words make the next that much more broken

Down the ladder: Bon Voyage

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 610
.. 20
.. 20
.. 00
.. 01
.. 10
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.. 02
.. 00
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.. 31

Arithmetic Mean: 7.3103447
Weighted score: 7.304632
Overall Rank: 6
Posted: April 7, 2004 12:00 PM PDT; Last modified: April 7, 2004 12:00 PM PDT
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Comments:
[10] Tara57 @ 147.9.40.112 | 7-Apr-04/5:50 PM | Reply
Hell yes
[n/a] Spindle @ 68.83.2.194 | 7-Apr-04/8:08 PM | Reply
Love it
[5] nentwined @ 66.92.28.14 | 8-Apr-04/4:40 PM | Reply
divits -> divets
through out -> throughout

I like the idea, less so the execution. With four lines, the second is awkward and the fourth is just a tongue twister.
[5] nentwined @ 66.92.28.14 > nentwined | 8-Apr-04/4:42 PM | Reply
er. divits -> divots. sorry. :)
[8] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.51 | 4-Feb-05/1:47 PM | Reply
could do without the "so", and "that", still very nice.
[8] gregsamsa222 @ 24.215.162.98 | 28-Mar-05/7:58 PM | Reply
Nice. Tho i think These words that make the next more broken might work better. Just a thought.
[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 4.224.24.77 > gregsamsa222 | 29-Mar-05/12:27 AM | Reply
And a good one. I'll keep that in mind when I tackle a rewrite.

<3 Jason
[0] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 | 31-Mar-05/3:12 AM | Reply
Appallingly damp.
[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 4.225.145.53 > Stephen Robins | 31-Mar-05/2:31 PM | Reply
I was thinking dry, but its your opinion.
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