poemranker ::Upside down and tigers by horus8

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Free verse № 65415

Upside down and tigers

by horus8

Member since 2002 · Posted 16 Sep 2003 · 13 comments

Jungle and night, those stars. Up my amber eyes Up my burning gaze Up my heart beat The cleansing pulse, and hunt. Which keeps no balance between here and there or you and I. Cracked earth, those days. Volcanic soil my paw print. Lap water at the brook my cold tongue Blood whiskers, canines, ivory -- long beautiful smile, reflections... When I see our face watered up at me I lowest growl pheromones, a strong musk. We are upside down and tigers Day sleepers Down my full stomach Down my need to kill until tonight, when we'll tiger still.

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27 votes so far. Yours would make 28.27 votes so far

13 comments

[n/a] peaceseeker 16-Sep-03/3:48 PM Reply
Is it tigers that have forked penises?
[n/a] horus8 › peaceseeker 16-Sep-03/4:02 PM Reply
Vote, and maybe I'll show you.
[n/a] Geschäftsreise 16-Sep-03/6:18 PM Reply
Overall, though finely and functionally dressed, there is a sublime quality to the title that isn't quite matched by its wardrobe.\

(I've seen an ivory tiger, but never tiger ivory. How about something like: "blood whiskers, eye-shines, and canines"? )
[10] Bachus › Geschäftsreise 16-Sep-03/7:03 PM Reply
The ivory describes the color of the canine teeth and the tiger's blood splashed face and smile coming clean while drinking in the creek, but your note is cool and accurate also, thankyou.
[8] DreamerSupreme 16-Sep-03/8:43 PM Reply
like the last line.. 8.
[10] Bill Z Bub 16-Sep-03/8:54 PM Reply
You make me mad
with jealousy. Ten.
Ten you bastard.
Ten you olympian brain weaver.
[10] Bachus › Bill Z Bub 16-Sep-03/9:23 PM Reply
I appologize that you had to see me get critical the other day. I hate doing that, but, believe me when I say 55% her weird wicked will, and 45% mine. bummer but shit happens.
I'm glad you liked it, I was just getting back to simple writing again, but with more calibration.
[10] Bill Z Bub › Bachus 16-Sep-03/10:47 PM Reply
I just read "Nicholas Martin" and comments, and ...
...I don't know what to say. You've stunned me. I'm sorry.
This piece is fucking killer. It boils.
[9] deleted user 16-Sep-03/10:55 PM Reply
damn

I want it.
[9] impert&ent 17-Sep-03/7:56 AM Reply
I like it. It works. But I'm gonna offer a critique as well: musk is from oxen. Was it ox for dinner? Pheromones is far less visceral than any other word in the poem. I can't smell it. Perhaps:
I lowest growl of hot flesh on your cool.
[10] Bachus › impert&ent 17-Sep-03/11:39 AM Reply
Musk is obtained from the musk deer my friend, but all animals and people have their own smells and muskiness. And Pheremones are odorless to the nose but not the heart.
[9] impert&ent › Bachus 18-Sep-03/7:56 AM Reply
Serves me right for not checking about the deer. I'm laid low. But what's this about the heart? The heart of a hunter? A murderous pairing? Blood lust?
[n/a] horus8 › impert&ent 18-Sep-03/12:36 PM Reply
Maneaters, yes, a pair. Mother and son.