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Upside down and tigers (Free verse) by horus8 Jungle and night, those stars.
Up my amber eyes
Up my burning gaze
Up my heart beat
The cleansing pulse, and hunt.
Which keeps no balance between
here and there or you and I.
Cracked earth, those days.
Volcanic soil my paw print.
Lap water at the brook my cold tongue
Blood whiskers, canines, ivory --
long beautiful smile, reflections...
When I see our face watered up at me
I lowest growl pheromones, a strong musk.
We are upside down and tigers
Day sleepers
Down my full stomach
Down my need to kill
until tonight, when
we'll tiger still.
Up the ladder:
A Little Further
Down the ladder:
Guilt Trip
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.962963
Posted: September 16, 2003 2:54 PM PDT; Last modified: September 16, 2003 2:54 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.9581094 Overall Rank: 142 Comments:
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peaceseeker @ 24.97.224.6
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16-Sep-03/3:48 PM
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Reply
Is it tigers that have forked penises?
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horus8 @ 24.126.113.154
> peaceseeker
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16-Sep-03/4:02 PM
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Reply
Vote, and maybe I'll show you.
Overall, though finely and functionally dressed, there is a sublime quality to the title that isn't quite matched by its wardrobe.\
(I've seen an ivory tiger, but never tiger ivory. How about something like: "blood whiskers, eye-shines, and canines"? )
The ivory describes the color of the canine teeth and the tiger's blood splashed face and smile coming clean while drinking in the creek, but your note is cool and accurate also, thankyou.
like the last line.. 8.
You make me mad
with jealousy. Ten. Ten you bastard. Ten you olympian brain weaver.
I appologize that you had to see me get critical the other day. I hate doing that, but, believe me when I say 55% her weird wicked will, and 45% mine. bummer but shit happens.
I'm glad you liked it, I was just getting back to simple writing again, but with more calibration.
I just read "Nicholas Martin" and comments, and ...
...I don't know what to say. You've stunned me. I'm sorry. This piece is fucking killer. It boils.
damn
I want it.
I like it. It works. But I'm gonna offer a critique as well: musk is from oxen. Was it ox for dinner? Pheromones is far less visceral than any other word in the poem. I can't smell it. Perhaps:
I lowest growl of hot flesh on your cool.
Musk is obtained from the musk deer my friend, but all animals and people have their own smells and muskiness. And Pheremones are odorless to the nose but not the heart.
Serves me right for not checking about the deer. I'm laid low. But what's this about the heart? The heart of a hunter? A murderous pairing? Blood lust?
Maneaters, yes, a pair. Mother and son.
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