| Re: The Considerate Lover by Tascobar |
25-Jan-03/1:21 PM |
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| Re: Life's Unnoticables by apples_tim |
25-Jan-03/1:18 PM |
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| Re: Best Friends by Chels85 |
25-Jan-03/1:17 PM |
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the rhyme scheme seems kind of forced...and then it doesnt match a real rhythm of any kind....4
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| Re: he was scared. by blurryphotograph |
23-Jan-03/5:57 PM |
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you know i love this one too...but im giving you a 9 cause i just dont feel like giving it a 10
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| Re: Under a Streetlight in Paris by blurryphotograph |
23-Jan-03/5:53 PM |
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you KNOW i love this poem...((even if i hated you id give it a 9)) mwahahahahahaha
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| Re: my journey--or the beginning of... by blurryphotograph |
5-Jan-03/8:20 AM |
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i told you i loved this poem. its you, its totally you...and the ending is wonderful...10
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| Re: Turn your back by kliq |
1-Jan-03/1:16 PM |
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its rhythm is somewhat messed up...makes reading it kind of jerky...4
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| Re: The Birds by lunar |
1-Jan-03/1:15 PM |
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wow...its good...but its almost too subtle, i can't quite see the story, but i love what i see so far...7
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| Re: Confused by debased |
1-Jan-03/1:13 PM |
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i like the repetition, would be awesome to hear somebody read this...8
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| Re: new year's eve by razorgrin |
1-Jan-03/1:12 PM |
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yep...thats new years eve...WONDERFUL description...10
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| Re: would i be considered crazy by silvertongueddevil |
31-Dec-02/7:48 AM |
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thats a very interesting idea...crazy...but i like it...9
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| Re: Found Lost by Carvaceous |
31-Dec-02/7:45 AM |
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i love the images, and those last two lines end it perfectly...8
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| Re: a comment on im playing basketball by rockinindividual |
28-Dec-02/6:36 AM |
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i am....so is carolinagirl...cause tar heels rock. i only watch womens basketball though. thats where you find the REAL talent.
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| Re: a comment on im playing basketball by rockinindividual |
28-Dec-02/6:34 AM |
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mmmm...good idea...ill have to think about that
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| Re: a comment on im playing basketball by rockinindividual |
27-Dec-02/8:02 PM |
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for me, this poem is supposed to be long, its supposed to capture the stages i went through when i played that night. i came out angry, i was playing because of the physical feeling of throwing a ball at something...i missed many times just because all i wanted was to throw something and hear a thud. eventually though, i began to think about what i was doing, i began to make the shots...to get good at it and to concentrate on what i was doing. it was at a point where i wasnt thinking about anything else...the only thing in my mind was where i should stand, how much force i should put into it, how much of an arc...and then i became tired and my shots werent making it and i was out of breath..but i wasnt angry anymore. i had forgotten it. thats what this poem is about, its supposed to be long, its supposed to perhaps be even longer than it could, and to be somewhat repetitive. thats what i had in mind when i wrote it. i do think it needs a simple rewrite, to cut back on a few things, but overall its trying to portray a certain idea, and in my mind it needs its length.
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| Re: Words by darkhelmet10 |
27-Dec-02/7:41 PM |
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| Re: Surpass the Dream by darkhelmet10 |
27-Dec-02/7:40 PM |
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sweet but sappy...not my fave..but thats just my opinion...3
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| Re: Lasting Forever by angel_uy |
27-Dec-02/7:39 PM |
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sweet but short...perhaps a little too...6
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| Re: Coloured waifs home by horus8 |
27-Dec-02/7:21 PM |
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| Re: drum circle by <~> |
27-Dec-02/7:17 PM |
lovely..."cacophony then conceded, condensed, and coalesced
conjoined, as one voice made of many:
warp and weft, naive and deft,
high and low, fast and slow,
on it pulsed, out it flowed" <- great description....8
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